What We Take Away

Chapter 24 | Cassie

January 21st, 2006

Thick blankets of pure, white snow drape the world beyond my little dorm window. The snow is so deep that it's been impossible to go anywhere beyond the dining hall for meals.

It's been a kindness, really.

My shoulders are stiff from spending the last hour at my desk hunched over calculus sets. Wincing, I gently roll my neck around, aching for relief.

I wonder what Aram is doing right now?

He hasn't called yet today, except to text that he'd be busy tonight. Without thinking, I drop my hands to my sides, touching the place where he grabbed me a few days ago.

Humiliation blossoms in me as I remember how he criticized my body. Sure, I have a weakness for french fries and God knows I can't resist a bowl of ice cream. But does he really think I need to lose weight? What else does he thinks I need to improve?

He'd written a lovely note to me for our one-month anniversary. His silver words were poetic, lavish, and dripping with affection. A blush spreads across my cheeks as I remember some his more explicit sentiments. But... have I done something wrong since then to upset him?

I sigh gloomily and peer at the cork board above my desk. Out of habit, I search for the hidden photo of the Grand Tetons tucked behind layers of random notes and drawings. Ba's smiling face catches me off guard, and my eyes unexpectedly sting with tears.

He would be so disappointed with me if he knew everything I've been hiding from him and Ma.

But he doesn't, and that's how things will stay.

Sniffling, I stand. A hot cup of tea will make me feel better.

I press the button to start the electric kettle nestled atop the mini fridge, but the kettle is empty. Grabbing it by the handle, I stride out the door and into the hall.

Though it's still early in the evening, all twelve of us left in the dorm for winter classes are holed up in our rooms. No one is venturing out to any parties despite it being a Saturday night. Barefoot and clad in worn pajamas, I pad down the hallway towards the girls' bathroom.

I don't notice the opened door to Zac and Lee's room until the boys suddenly step out in front of me, laughing. Lee says something to Zac -- who for some reason is dressed in a revealing, shiny, black and green costume and has his back turned towards me. I narrow my eyes... is that his track uniform?

Lee senses my approach and waves.

"Hi Cass," he grins.

Zac whirls around, his hands planted on his hips. Our eyes lock for a fraction of a second. But before we can exchange any words, the tight fabric of his green track shorts quickly tents upward.

Oh my God.

I don't realize I am gawking until it's too late. I wrench my eyes away just in time to see Zac's face turn a hot shade of magenta. My mouth drops open with embarrassment just as he darts back into his room.

Lee howls, his entire body doubling over with glee. I scowl at him with disgust before turning around and hurrying back to my room with the electric kettle still clutched in my hand.

"It's fine. It's fine, it's just a normal body function," I wheeze out loud once I am safely in the confines of my own room. "It happens all the time. Or maybe it doesn't. I don't know. Oh my God."

I replace the empty kettle and drop down at my desk with the image of Zac's embarrassment etched in my mind. Needing a distraction, I desperately refresh my inbox for what feels like the tenth time today. But there are no emails from Sabrina, even though I've sent her several letters since the one time she wrote back.