What We Take Away

Chapter 20 | Aram

January 8th, 2006

Being in love feels like drowning and being born all at once.

Being in love with Cassie Yang feels like fire and ice coursing through my veins at the same time. Her eyes are pure midnight and innocence, and her very smile like the golden sun. She is a devastating, falling star, and I am caught in the trail of her silver stardust spell.

I grin stupidly and step out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist before walking quietly back to my room. Pat brought a random new girl back to the house last night, but I'll be gone before they wake. I shut the door behind me and reach for my phone, dialing Cassie's number even though I know it will go to voicemail.

"Good morning, beautiful," I smile into the receiver after hearing the inevitable beep. "You're probably still sleeping, but I dreamt of you last night. And it made me miss you when I woke up. Can't wait to see you later."

I shrug on a long sleeved Henley and toss the phone onto the bed. I pause when I glance at my reflection in the mirror. The comfortable fabric of the shirt pulls tightly across my shoulders, showing off the recent gains I've earned in the gym. Though Cassie and I have yet to do more than just hold hands, I've lately wondered what it would be like her fingers to wander over my chest, or for her hands to wrap around my shoulders...

Frowning, I wonder for a second what she sees when she looks at me. Does she like what she sees? Does her breath catch the same way mine does when I look at her? What about my height? I'm not as tall as most guys my age. Does it bother her like it bothers me?

You're deluding yourself again, the chorus sneers inside my mind. Of course she thinks you're short--

The voices abruptly stop as Cassie's bright smile flashes through my mind. It's like she mutes the bad thoughts, I think with unexpected triumph.

Being in love with Cassie Yang is even an antidote to my darkest ruminations.

My eyes snap back up to the mirror. Mother wouldn't want me to show up to church wearing an old Henley -- especially since this will be the first time in months I'm attending service with my family. I strip off the shirt and opt for a navy blue button-down hanging in my closet.

I throw the Henley onto my bed. I'll save it for another day.

---

Campus is sleepy and frozen this early Sunday morning. I let my thoughts tumble as I sit in my car and wait for the old engine to warm up.

I think of the fearful way my heart pounded as I raced to meet Cassie on Christmas Eve when she got into that car accident. She had ran into my arms with a kind of desperation... no one has ever needed me like that before, and in that moment I felt an urgent, intense need to protect and shield her from harm. It was like my body and brain reacted on sheer instinct, and I knew then I would never want to let her go.

I wanted to see her the very next day, but Cassie said she had yet to tell her parents about me, that it would be disastrous to explain she'd gotten into a car crash because she was trying to meet up with her new boyfriend. I was understanding, of course. But a part of me had been disappointed, since I had told my family the very night she agreed to go out with me. I can't complain though, because the accident truly brought us closer together, and not a night has passed where she and I didn't spend hours on the phone talking about what we did that day.

When the car is adequately warmed, I pull away from the curb and drive down the silent street towards Swan Hall. A slight ache forms in my chest as I remember that I am going there to pick up my sister and not to go see Cassie.