My Home, My Family, My Duty, My Doom (Spy X Family) (MATURE!!)

Birds & Bees

Having the rug pulled from under his feet and his will to live smashed to smithereens was something the man who had given up his real identity to become Twilight knew all too well.

That day his mother had died in an Ostalis aerial bombardment... That day he had used his gun to kill somebody for the first time... That day he had learned that all his childhood friends had fallen in that pointless, cruel war... That day one of his missions had caused severe "collateral damage" among innocent women and children... That day a double agent had killed 12 comrades at Westalis HQ...

That day and so many more.

Twilight was familiar with pain that pierced through you with such crippling intensity you wanted to cease existing instead of bearing it. Yet, he knew: to feel this pain meant to be human. Twilight had always clung to his humanity with all he had, it was his only anchor even when the dream of a peaceful world threatened to crumble to dust around him. It was what kept him on his feet even when lying down and never getting up again seemed the much better option.

Then again, to be human also meant to have a breaking point. "The only difference between a good and a bad agent is the amount of pain it takes to break them," was what Sylvia liked to tell him.

So my breaking point is this? Loid marveled, the mounting panic driving his entire body into a state of extreme, mindless anxiety. Anya, Yor, this family?

"Loid? Loid, breathe. Breathe. Just breathe."

His chest was too tight. The lack of oxygen made dark spots dance in front of his eyes.

"What is happening to you, Loid? Loid?"

He was getting hysterical. A scene from Monday's Spywars started playing on a loop in his head.

"What do we have to lose, baby?" Bondman had whispered seductively to the sparsely clad woman in his arms. "Don't you think we deserve a little happiness before we die?"

Don't I deserve a little happiness? Don't I?

Of course, Bondman hadn't died despite the impossible situation they found themselves in. As befitted a hero of his caliber, he had saved the day instead and received swooning kisses from his lady. Because this was a show for kids, the scene had faded to black even before their hungry lips met - but Loid had a pretty good idea why the man wore such a featherbrained expression on his face the next day. Even top spies needed to feel loved and appreciated sometimes and give love and appreciation in turn! It came with being human.

"Love is the most dangerous emotion of them all," was another thing Sylvia liked to tell him. "Don't you ever fall in love, Twilight!"

His heart shuddered. He wanted to sob. The best part of his day was coming back to this apartment, seeing Anya and Yor. They were what made him feel alive. They gave him hope. WISE cannot take this away. I won't let them. Will you run away with me, Yor? I know how to become invisible. Moonshine and Midnight won't ever find us, I promise.

The primitive urge to claim Yor as his for life became overpowering. An animal's reaction to the threat of being terminated. His hand shot out to grab her, carry her to the bedroom - but she backhanded him forcefully across the face with a muffled cry.

He should have seen this coming.

There was a sudden sense of clarity while his body was flying through the air. Goddammit, Twilight. Have you gone completely insane? The impact when he hit the wall knocked the wind out of him. You do not even deserve someone like her, you moron. Something shattered on the floor. The neighbors would complain again and rightfully so.