After Her Love

2. The only singletons

It has been about two months since the wedding. Joel and Robyn came back from their two week honeymoon from Fiji yesterday and life was slowly getting back to normal when all the fuss about the wedding was over. For me the few weeks break from Blind Channel gave an opportunity to work with my solo project, but somehow all the songs I wrote were more or less about break ups, fuck ups and broken hearts. It felt good to write out all those emotions into the lyrics and turn them into art, but I had to stop thinking about her that much. It was a short romance, not even a month long, but it was affecting me like ending a 10 year marriage, losing a home, car and the kids. It just felt terrible. I knew I wanted to keep Robyn in my life as a friend, but each time I looked into her eyes, millions of memories of us started to play in my mind and I fell into a misery again. I have never had such strong feelings for anyone else and I'm not sure if I'm able to even feel those feelings again.

"Yo, Little man, you good?" Olli patted me on my shoulder and I realized that I had been staring at the screen for the past few minutes. We were back at the studio, ready to practice for the upcoming tour. Maybe this was finally the time that I could move on. I had to.

"Yeah.. Just zoned out..." I mumbled and went to check my email if there was anything interesting that would give me something else to think about.

"How are you holding up?" Olli sat next to me and opened his water bottle. It was funny that we were the only singletons left in our group. Niko randomly met Miryam, and at the same night Joonas met Pauline who was Miryam's friend. It was a weird story when they finally told us how they really met, especially from Niko's side. Joonas' story did not really surprise me. Tommi also met Yasmin, no idea where or how, but she also happened to be Miryam's and Pauline's friend. And Robyn seemed to like their company as well. It was good to see her spending time with some girls also, being stuck with us most of the time probably started to get on her nerves too. But now she was still busy with Sophia and spent less and less time at the studio. That of course did not mean that she wasn't working with us anymore, she was still around, doing her job, but mostly from a distance. I missed having her around, laughing and joking with us. But at the same time, it was probably good to not be too much around her, yet I still missed her. Fuck, can this be any more complicated than it was? Me crying after Joel's ex who is also now my ex and Joel's wife. I never thought things between us would get so weird. For some reason it was easier to get back on track with Joel. We were so close because of the band and discussing stuff and coming up with the ideas for the new songs and videos somehow came out naturally for us. Just like before. But with Robyn it was still a little clumsy, like we were testing the waters.

"I'm ok... Trying not to think about it too much.." I said, or lied a little, and deleted some spam after what I turned to Olli. He took a few sips from the bottle and looked at me thoughtfully.

"Let's have a drink later tonight, you look like you need it." He pointed out and at the same moment the door was opened and the studio was filled with loud talking and laughing. Joonas, Niko, Joel and Robyn walked in, followed by Tommi. The newly wed looked so rested that I started to envy them a little. I wish I could have some time for myself, do nothing and think nothing.

"Hey, nice to see you again!" Robyn came to hug me and Olli. I gently hugged her back because I did not want to seem rude. Besides, we were trying to fix things after all and it meant that I had to also do my part and not to fight against her attempts to be the good friend she used to be. All the touchyness maybe seemed to be a little forced, but I guess we both just tried to act normal.

"Yeah, you too. How was the honeymoon?" I then asked and joined the rest of the guys around the table. Robyn laughed quietly, looked at Joel and went to get her bag. Joel kept on staring at his wife and I could see how each and every guy was waiting for the answer. Neither Joel or Robyn said a word and the guys started to exchange looks, raise eyebrows and point to each other as a sign to ask something. But whoever was pointed out, including me, shook their heads and Niko had no other option than finally speak up to get some answers.