Book of Me

MeEqualsKeefosterian Part 1

Aloha!

So, remember when I said I would elaborate on my reason for Great Foster Oblivion theory a month or two or three I don't know how long ago?  No?  Well, I'm gonna do that now.

Sophie does not trust Keefe with her heart.

We first meet Keefe in a white hallway at Foxfire.  He takes Sophie to the Healing Center and they become friends, steadily growing closer as the series progresses.  She leans on him, she tells him her secrets— the ones she keeps hidden from everyone else, she gives him her heart without even realizing she's done it then BAM!  Neverseen.  He ditches, she's heartbroken.  She's thinking "the heck, we're just friends why is this so painful?"  She still has a crush on Fitz but during Neverseen things changed (honestly, this book WAS the turning point in their relationship for so many reasons).

He started really opening up to her in Neverseen, deepening their relationship.  He cried on her shoulder, they had a window sleepover, she got to where she could read his mind without reading his mind and he started doing the same to her.  HE MADE HER A NECKLACE THAT I REALLY WISH WOULD REAPPEAR IN THE SERIES!!!!!  Ooh, maybe in Stellarlune... I'm getting off track.

We saw "hummingbird mode" and blushing in this book (particularly during adorable necklace scene). 

I'm gonna cry— she just wanted to make him some soup!!!!! *sigh*

Sophie fell in love with him in Neverseen.

He left.

Sophie has abandonment issues.  She has had to leave her family behind, recognizes herself as abandoned by Oralie and Who'sThatDaddy, Grady and Edaline were SKETCH on keeping her in the first book, and the Vackers just kinda dropped her on the Ruewens doorstep.

Imagine loving someone and trusting them with every part of yourself in a way you've never trusted anyone.  Now imagine them betraying and ditching you. 

How's the old ticker feeling?

I love Keefe but he broke a broken girl and it took a lot for their relationship to fully repair.  Honestly, I think it would have been helpful to Sophie to have allowed herself to feel more anger toward him.  A little anger is healthy, cleansing.  We have to feel it to get over everything.  I ask you,

When did Sophie get angry?

We might point to Nightfall when she stole his blood (one of Sophie's QUEEN moments) but she was more DISAPPOINTED than angry.  Which is another emotion we'll get into.

So, Sophie never really gets mad at Keefe when he makes mistakes.  She gets disappointed and sad because she expects more of him.  She demands to have her faith in him returned in full— unrequited trust is for the birds. 

Now, they say when you love someone you CAN'T stay angry with them, STAY.  What if you never really got mad though?  What if there was still some part of you deep down that felt a little resentment?  That felt a little fear?  All of which gave way to distrust?

What if you loved them anyway?

Sophie trusts Keefe with her life.  Her secrets, her thoughts, dreams, aspirations, and even some of her feelings.  She gives him friendship and the love that comes with it but she holds a little back because of that tiny bit of doubt?

She doesn't trust Keefe not to leave and she can't give her heart to another person she might lose.  She can't.  It hurts too much.  She fears it too much.  And so...

Sophie does not trust Keefe with her heart.

Sorry if it's hard to read or confusing or too long or whatever— I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words.  Anyways, see ya in that comments!