Breaking Point

Chapter 7

Pic is expressing Xander's and Em's feelings on different levels.

-CFF

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~Em's PoV~

I take another look in the bathroom mirror and sigh. I start my sophomore year at USC today. I am nervous, more so than I've been in a long time. The butterflies flying around in my stomach I decide to blame on nerves. Maybe its anxiety. Either way, its not the greatest feeling.

I remember the first day of school last year. The day I found Alexander in my class. When we read Romeo and Juliet together. The day we started the journey of becoming best friends, and later, each other's lives. I'm scared he's going to have classes with me this year. Even if its only one or two, I don't know if I can handle it. All the memories I have of him will stay with me although I'm desperately trying to block them out.

Sharon peeks her head around the corner of the bathroom. She smiles softly. "Hey girl. Are you ready to go?" I look up at her, away from the reflection I've been staring at for the past few minutes. "I don't know. Do you think I'm ready?" She looks at me, her dark eyes deciphering me. "Let's see. You did good when you picked out the jean shorts. That red cami makes the red streaks in your hair stand out, but have you seen your eyes?"

I glance over at the mirror again. "What about my eyes?" Sharon drops her smile. "They look fiery. Daring, bold. But they also have a section of sad underneath. You just have to look for it because its there." I let out another sigh as I whisper, "I know."

A loud vibration occurs in my back pocket, making me pull out my cell phone. The screen says I have an unread message. I smile a little as I see it's from Ian. Good luck today Precious. Its going to go great, just like the past months have been going. Be strong. I love you. See you on set tomorrow! I can't wait ;)

I chuckle. He always knows what to tell me. Funny how boyfriends can be like that. My eyes spot the time at the top right corner of my phone. I tell my roommate, "Its getting close to eight. Shouldn't we go?" She responds quickly enough, with a light note of concern in her voice. "Only if you're ready." I step forward and hug my best friend, thankful for her caring nature. "Yes. Thank you."

Sharon says nothing, but I know she's listening. We grab our bags and hop into her Jeep. Thankfully the roads aren't overly crowded. "Remember when we did this last year?" I ask, the wind blowing my bangs back and forth. She smiles. "Yes, and I still can't believe its been a whole year." I let out a light laugh. "Tell me about it. How's Blake doing?" She nods as she swerves around the car in front of us. "He's good. You know how he went to England to research how they prepare their actors? Well his two weeks are almost up so he's going to be home this weekend."

I lean against the leather headrest behind me, feeling the pleasurable mixture of the cool wind on my face and the warm Los Angeles sun on my skin. I wait a few minutes, enjoying this leisure, before asking “So how is the school board liking the fact that Blake’s coming back a week into the semester?” Sharon shrugs. “He said that the trip is through the school. Blake mentioned that he signed up for this trip before the last semester of freshman year was up so I don’t think its going to bother the school board very much.” I nod, satisfied with her answer.

We pull into the USC parking lot and Sharon quickly finds a spot for the car. I hop out over the side, grabbing my bag. With a parting wave to my friend, I head for the theater. I see many familiar faces as I travel to my classroom, but thankfully none of them belongs to my ex. This relieves me somewhat.

I know Blake won’t be attending drama with me this first week but I also know that I can lean on Yolo and Christy if I ever need to pull strength from an outside source. I grab hold of the handle resting in the middle of one of the theater’s double doors, pulling it out towards myself.

I tread down the slanted floor, making my way to the front of the auditorium. It seems as I’m alone here, this place is deserted. Mr. Rain is nowhere to be seen. I drop my bag into one of the folding seats, the ones installed throughout this theater.

All of a sudden, I hear a scuffle on stage. However, I don’t see what cased it because the Grand, the large velvet curtain hanging from the rafters, is closed and therefore hiding the noise maker. I shrug and let it go, assuming its from Mr. Rain. Out of the corner of my eyes I see movement; movement that causes me to turn my head. The curtains hanging in front of the wings part and my eyes widen to see Xander step out into the theater house. He freezes when he sees me, possibly experiencing the same shock I’m currently feeling.

I want to turn my eyes to my bag, grab my phone, or walk out of here. Anything except face this man standing in front of me. This man who still causes me pain. This man who stole my heart then blew it apart. I find my eyes are immoveable. My mind’s eye is drawing another painful picture of him, perfecting every detail the longer I stare.

His chiseled jaw, his broad shoulders that are slouched slightly. His large hands with his shaking left pinky, both arms hanging down my his muscular thighs. His bright eyes that I, for once, can not read the emotion in.

Xander begins to smile, a hesitant and slow-spreading one, but a smile nonetheless. I feel as if I grabbed my pocketknife and dug it deep between my ribcage. He takes a couple steps forward, whispering, “Just like the beginning of last year right? You and me, meeting here?” That’s when I hear it. The pain radiating off every note his voice box makes. The agony and despair he’s pouring into his voice. He’s a better actor than I thought.

“What do you want?” I can’t control the shaking in my voice. He’s standing next to me now--how did I allow him to get so close? Slowly Xander sinks down in the chair next to the one my bag is resting in. I want to bolt away from him, I don’t even want to be in the same proximity with him. My feet however are apparently mishearing the commands.

“What do I want?” Xander whispers as he takes his forefinger and lightly runs it over my thumb. I might as well have stuck it into an electrical socket what with the electrical currents that are now racing though my body. I yank my hand away from his soft touch, stumbling back a few paces.

“Keep your hands off me!” I cry out, feeling outraged and yet craving his touch once more. No! He’s a cheater, a dirty player. He’s just trying to get your feelings knotted up again. Xander responds and stands, speaking in a normal tone. “I want to apologize Emilee. I never wanted to hurt you in any situation, real of not real, and I am so so sorry that I did.”

“Sorry? You think sorry is going to cut it? After what happened?” I can feel the tears coming, making my throat close and swell shut but I have to get these words out. I’ve bottled them up for too long. “After I told you what happened between Dylan and I so you knew just how much I can’t stand cheaters?”

The tears come to my eyes but don’t spill out. I pull together any courage I have as I force myself to finish. “I loved you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.” Even Ian? I love Ian, but I don’t know how to compare it to when I loved Alexander because they’re different. Both loves, both boys.

I inhale loudly before continuing. “And you didn’t take that seriously. You’re not sorry. You’re not sorry because if you were, you wouldn’t have don’t it in the first place.” It frustrates me that I still can’t read his emotions. He is a big and bold question mark at the moment. So full of mystery. I hate it.

My voice quieter, I whisper, “Some days I wish I hadn’t met you.” I can hear Xander take a sharp breath and I know he heard me. Song lyrics from one of my favorite musicals comes unbidden into my head. Let the moment go. Don’t forget it for a moment though.

Those words seem so simple, but once you’re in that situation you can't let go so easily. I’ve tried forgetting Xander and the memories we made together. It seems as if I could do it if only I hadn’t let my feelings run away. I want to forget, I want to hold on. I want to go back, I want to move on.

Xander opens his mouth again, but I hear voices that don’t belong to him. I turn to see several students heading towards up. My eyes meet those of Yolo’s and she asks me a question with them. I shake my head and wipe the tears from my eyes. No, Alexander didn’t hurt me at this current moment. I leave Xander and stand by Yolo, refusing to let myself give him a backwards glance as class starts.