Ishqiya 2 (Continued)

A Rollercoaster of Emotions

She knocks on the door of his room (their room) but Hamza doesn't answer as he's in the shower. She then realizes the door is open. So she goes inside and it feels like she traveled back into time and entered into a different world. It was her previous world, the fights, the arguments, jokes, it all comes back to right here in this room. It had been almost 3 years since she has been there. It feels like happiness of the past and pain of the present at the same time.

She sees her phone in the pocket of Hamza's jacket and grabs it. While she's taking it out, she feels something like a small, round container in his pocket, and as she tries to grab it, Hamza comes out of the washroom. She immediately withdraws her hand, and turns around to face him.

...And there stands Hamza, with his hair dripping wet and towel on his waist. He looks at Rumi with curiousness in his eyes. Rumi, on the other hand, is so shocked that she forgets to even breathe and blink for a moment. She notices how he has muscles everywhere. For one moment, she feels guilty that she is even looking at him. She is so lost that she doesn't seem to hear what he's saying.

"Arre kya ho gaya? Rumi?" She hears when she comes back to reality.
"Ha? Umm." Rumi turns around again to give him privacy and also because she is ashamed.
"Sorry main phone lene ayi thi."
"Ohh achha."
"I-I should go." Rumi says in broken words and leaves immediately.
Hamza just stands there and smiles at Rumi, for she behaved like that after a very long time.

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There's an awkward silence in the car when they are going to her house. Hamza finally breaks the silence.
"Rumi, I'm going back to America in 2 weeks, by that time you should decide if you want to get Ammi treated there or no?"
"Mhmm. Main baat karti hun."

They reach Rumi's home and she goes to her room to freshen up. By the time she comes back, there's a cup of tea on the dining table.
"Yeh kya hai?" Rumi asks puzzled and confused.
"Chai. Mere haath ki." Hamza lets out a smile.
"Hein?"
"Main chai nahi banaa sakta kya? Aao peeyo aur batao kaisi bani hai?"
Rumi takes a sip and gets surprised by how good it is.
"Hamza aur Chai. Kabhi socha nahi tha." Rumi smiles.
"Betho." Hamza smiles back and moves the chair for her.
"Rumi ek baat poochhun? Bura na maano toh?"
"Han?"
"Tum itni meharbaan kyun ho rahi ho mujh par? Mujhe pata hai tumne mujhe maaf nahi kiya. Aur yeh bhi pata hai ke tum kuchh nahi bhooli. Fir bhi tum mujhe kuchh bhi keh nahi rahi kuchh sunaa nahi rahi mai subah se hun tumhare pass tumne kuchh bhi nahi kahaa mujhe koi bhi baat nahi sunayi. Tum- tum toh nafrat karti thi mujhse. Isiliye divorce liya tha na tumne? Sorry lekin main bahot confused ho gaya hun. I just want to understand what's going on in your heart."
Rumi blinks slowly and the little smile she had while drinking tea turned into a frown.

"Dukh Hamza. Dukh hamein gussa bhulaa deta hai. Tumhara pata nahi lekin meri toh pehli aur aakhiri mohabbat tum hi toh the. Tumhare gale lag kar royi hun Abba ke liye. Koi dukh hota hai toh apne humsafar ke saamne hum apne hathiyaar daal dete hain. Maine sabke samne himmat dikhayi, bas tumhare aate hi toot gayi. Mohabbat tumse shayad aaj bhi hai, lekin mujhme maaf karne ki himmat nahi hai. Bacha khoya hai maine mera." Rumi's voice starts to break.
"Hamara. Hamara bacha tha Rumi." Hamza holds her hands as his eyes fill with tears.
"Mujhse maafi mat maangna Hamza. Main maaf nahi kar paoungi. Bas meri ek kamzori hai jo tumhare aage main toot jaati hun. Woh bhi theek ho jayegi."
Hamza gets up from the chair and sits on his knees near Rumi, joining both his hands to her.

"Ek baar. Sirf ek baar meri zindagi mein waapis aa jao Rumi. Jo bhi shikayatein hain sab khatam kar dunga. Ek alag Hamza ban ke milunga tumhein balki ek Hamza ban chukaa hun 3 saal se. Please, mere paass tumhari yaadon ke elava kuchh nahi bachaa."
"Hamza please. Agar maine tumse apna dard baant hi liya hai toh mujhe tumhein maaf karne par majboor mat karo."
"Majboor nhi kar raha hun Rumi, darkhaast kar rahan hun tumhare aage haath jorh rahaa hun bas thoda sa reham kar do. Dekho tumne divorce maanga maine de diya, tumne door hona chahaa mai America chalaa gaya. 3 saal se sazaa kaat raha hun har din raat Rumi, jeene ke liye aur koi wajah nahi hai meri zindagi mein."
"Mujhe hospital ke liye nikalna chahiye. Tum ghar chale jaao mai bus se chali jaoungi."

Hamza looks at her hopelessly, while his hands are joined, and tears flowing on his cheeks, falling to the ground.
"Main tumhein chhod dunga."
"Nahi it's ok-"
"Maine keh diya na." Hamza says in anger, clenching his jaw.

They don't speak for the rest of the time. Hamza keeps on wiping tears that seem to be coming automatically from his eyes, but he seems so angry and done with himself, and doesn't say anything. His eyes are red with temper and hate for himself and his own existence. Still he manages somehow to survive through that by repressing his thoughts and feelings at the moment.

Rumi knows that he is crying but from the outside, he was bursting with anger. She still doesn't say anything or console him, because she wants to avoid another breakdown between both of them.
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They reach the hospital and Rumi finds out that her mother is awake and is better now.
She comes out to let Hamza know.
"Ammi theek hain."
Hamza looks at her and nods but still doesn't say anything. He then gets up to leave when Rumi stops him.
"Uh- Hamza?"
He turns around.

"Thankyou."

He  looks at her without any expressions, with pain lingering in his red eyes that are probably hurting, and then leaves.

Just like that, without each other, they're left alone all over again.
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