Obsessive Love Disorder

18

October 17, 1996
Charlotte

I've never really gone shopping before. Even when mom was still around, she'd usually pick out clothes for me and I'd try them on at home, so I wasn't exactly aware of how fucking exhausting it is to shop. Especially with two other girls who are way more excited about it than you are. 

Tatum really did try to make it fun for me, throwing random hats she found over my head, taking pictures of us with her polaroid camera, asking my opinion on certain dresses. I really appreciate the effort, but I knew it wasn't going to turn out quite right. In the end, I just sat in a chair in the fitting rooms and watched as the girls took turns showing off their potential outfits. Tatum tried to convince me to try something on, just for fun, but I just couldn't. I'm not sure why, but I couldn't bring myself to give into it. I'm not very comfortable in dresses, not because I'm trying to be different than other girls or something, but because I'm not a big fan of showing off my body. People would start asking questions. 

In the end, Tatum picked out an off-the-shoulder peach dress made of the softest silk I'd ever felt in my life. It paired well with her skin tone and complimented her bright hair perfectly, so it wasn't exactly a hard choice. Sidney chose a light blue dress with a ruffled skirt and puffy sleeves made out of a mesh material, which I'll admit, makes her look like a damn Disney princess. They both looked great, and I'm sure they'll look just as good at the dance. 

Even though Tatum begged me to just try one thing on, they ended up just paying for their dresses and drove me home before heading to the homecoming game in West Haven. I'm glad that they didn't ask me to come to the game because I'd rather choke than be in a crowd that big, but I sort of wish they did. Now, I feel like they didn't want me to come with them because of how much of a downer I was being at the boutique. It's fine, I guess. It's my fault.

After Tatum drops me off, I quickly head into the house and set my backpack down near the dining table. Davey's already home, as Mike's parents were kind enough to offer to drive him so I could hang with the girls, so I just head into my room and turn on some random CD. Before I know it, Radiohead is playing softly throughout the space and I close my eyes. 

I feel like shit.

My head is starting to pound and I can feel my breathing become shallow. All of this turmoil was building at the shop, and now I guess it's all going to come out.

I knew I shouldn't have gone with Tatum and Sidney. I knew it would feel awkward and I would hate it, but am I that desperate for their approval? I'm so desperate that I'm willing to torture myself in order to fit in with them? 

I feel my heart jump at the idea of it going any further than it did. Imagine that I did buy a dress. Some slim-fitting little black number and heels that would give me blisters. That I did my hair nicely, maybe even straightening it, and I wore makeup that isn't just mascara and chapstick. Actual makeup, lipstick and everything. Imagine that I did go to the dance. God, even the thought of being in the school's gym surrounded by the student body of Woodsboro High makes me want to vomit. Flashing lights and shitty music wouldn't make it any better. 

The song ends as I roll over onto my side, a few tears streaming down my cheeks. This is pathetic. 

Then my eyes land on a small piece of paper that sits on top of my nightstand. The corners are slightly crumpled due to being in my backpack, but the writing is crisp and clear. A suggestion and a smiley face. 

I kept the note. Even after I thought he was messing with me, I kept it. That goofy little drawing somehow makes me feel much better whenever I'm feeling like this. Like I'm not normal. 

It reminds me that I don't have to be normal for Billy to like me. 

Sitting up, I try to take a breath and collect myself. It's okay, I'm okay. It won't be too bad.  He's trying his hardest for me, so I'll give him the same courtesy. 

It won't be too bad. 

(A/N - Shorter chapter this time, because we're about to reach the finale of this book!! But don't worry, I've already written my plan for two sequels :D

On that note, I'd love it if you guys would give me a follow so you can stay updated on future stories and so I can make announcements for new chapters and such. It would mean a lot to me!
Have a lovely day, and I'll see you at the homecoming dance.)