As Long As You Love Me

#1

When John saw me standing in front of him he immediately grabbed my hair and pulled it so hard it felt like my scalp is about to be torn. He then slapped me in the face so hard I knew for sure it'll have a bruise in shape of his hand. His slap made me nauseous that I didn't realize he threw me off at the other side of the room until my back hit the walls with a thud. It hurts so bad I taught I might've passed out.

"It irritates me to see your face, Lina. Even saying your name makes me sick! It reminds me how you and those children are a bad luck to me. Ever since you came to my life all I had experience are bad luck!" he spat.

Knowing he will start his drunk monologue on how we caused his life to hit rock bottom, I decided to tune him out to lessen emotional damage. It's what I learn to do everytime he attacks me with hurtful words. I just hope my children can do the same.

I decided not to make any movement nor thought of checking on my children. He might get mad and decide to hurt them as well and I don't want that to happen.

As I sat there leaning my back on the wall for support my mind drifted to my memories of this family in the past. At some point, I didn't see this situation happening to me nor this side of the man I have loved before. I never thought he had this dormant monster inside of him that was awakened by the downfall of his business.

We are a very happy family before. As a matter of fact, we have two daughters, Anna (5) and Lea (3), whom he really loved before. He was a family man. We go out on family dinner. We went to theater. He provided all of our needs. Until he got scammed and our business went bankrupt.

At first he was always mad and not in the mood which I totally understand because he have lost the business he worked so hard for.

It all started when we moved in this small town. Hoping we could start anew here by opening a small business. Unfortunately, it didn't work well and he took it very bad that he became an alcoholic and violent that he blames us for everything.

His snoring was the sign I was waiting for. I stood and silently went to the closet where I've hidden my kids. They were fast asleep already but I didn't miss the dried tears they have on their cheeks. I pity them. I pity myself.

"Mom?" asked Anna while rubbing her sleepy eyes.

"Yes, sweetie?" I asked as I picked Lea up. I held her hand to lead her to the bed but she stopped me.

"I am scared, mom." she squeaked. It broke my heart but I have to be strong for them.

"Its alright. I won't let him harm you. Your dad is sleeping so don't worry, sweetie."

"I hate dad." she said full of hatred and anger obvious in her face.

"Don't. He is still your father." No matter how much I hate their dad, I can't bring them to hate him as well. He is their father after all.

After I settled the girls in bed, I decided to check on my husband. He was still asleep. There are so many times I thought of ending it there and then but I can't stand the thought of me being a murderer.

I asked so many times why does it have to be us? Why does it have to be my family? But I get no answer.

"Tomorrow is another day. Just bare with is a little, Lina. Your day will come." I always told myself.

When that day will be, I can never be sure of. I just hope it is very soon.