Heaven - ONC 2022 LONGLISTED - old version

chapter 2: hunger

"...and we prayed and prayed that this day would come. The good Lord above heard us, didn't he?" Delores Cullen shuffled after Father Caleb as he entered his new home. A home that had once belonged to the previous priest.

From the moment he stepped foot in the sleepy town of Heaven, Delores had become Father Caleb's shadow. She insisted she drive him to his new place from the bus station and did not wait for an invitation inside when he unlocked the door.

Setting his suitcase down, Father Caleb noticed there were no pictures on the wall. The only decoration -if you can call it that- was a kitty calendar stating that it was 1989.

"Goodness me," declared Delores as she hurried and ripped the calendar off the wall. "Kittens?" With a smear of dread slashed across her face like paint, she looked up at Father Cal. "I told my son to get a simple one with prayers."

"I don't mind it. Really. Who doesn't like kittens."

Delores began apologizing and chastising her foolish twit of a son in the same breath.

Father Caleb glanced around the house and tuned her out. He noticed the rug was worn and frayed like a worrier's feet had spent too many years pacing on it. Underneath, the hardwood floor looked even older. Though clean, the house was small, not much bigger than the trailer he'd lived in for years when he hated the world and needed nothing other than a hunting knife, a radio, and a wall full of books. I never needed a lot anyway, he thought, Nor do assholes like me deserve more.

The house was conveniently situated near Saint Agatha's church and a small forest. By Delores' equations, Cal's nearest neighbor was a twenty-minute walk away. This all suited him well.

"He's dim-witted like his father was," she continued, "Travis means well but he's as clever as a box of bricks."

Realizing she was still speaking, Father Cal slipped out of his recollections. He placed his hand on her shoulder and cut her off politely, "Thank you, Mrs. Cullen, for everything you've done to make this place...cozy."

"Please," she said and twisted her flower-print apron in her grasp, "call me Delores, Father Caleb."

He nodded with a small smile. "Thank you, Delores."

"Oh!" Leaping in front of the priest, Delores hurried to the kitchen. "I stocked the fridge. I didn't know what your favourite foods are so I bought out the corner store." Chuckling, she called him over.

There was a peculiar scent coming from the open fridge. To most it was the normal aroma of what was inside: ham, cheese, milk, bread, and a large chocolate cake, to name a few. But not to Caleb who pursed his lips to keep from gagging.

"Even's chocolate and almond cake is to die for!" she explained and began telling Caleb how to get to the bakery were he ever to find himself craving sweets.

But Caleb's head was swimming. He wanted to tell her that food was hardly to die for. That you died for love, not food, but he'd forgotten what either tasted like. "You are a star, Delores," Father Cal said in the most charming voice he could muster and hoped he didn't sound like an animal in pain.

"God sees good deeds. Good and evil. Everything we do no matter how big or small."

"Indeed he does," Father Cal uttered, yet his voice sounded strained.

"Are you well, Father?"

Faking fatigue, he nodded, "You must excuse me, it's been a very long day. I've been traveling since daybreak."

"My word," Delores gasped. "And here I am getting in your way. Right. I will leave you to rest. If there's anything you need, my number by the phone in the sitting room."

"Thank you."

"Tomorrow I will come over," she said as Cal escorted her to the door, "bright and early so you can take a look at the church. Oh, Father, I know boasting is a sin," she lowered her voice as if by doing so God would not be able to hear, "but I cleaned Saint Aggy's better than anyone has, and I must admit, it looks better than it did when Father Lucas was here. It was full of cobwebs and terrible spiders." She shuddered as Cal took hold of the doorknob and opened the door. "I never did like spiders."

"I am looking forward to seeing it," Father Cal said in all honesty. I missed it all so painfully much. But it wasn't church itself, or even a congregation that he had missed. He missed knowing that he still had his faith, even if it was a sliver. I've been doubting it a lot lately. I'm no better than the others, the ones so full of sins they cannot walk for it weighs them down like they're carrying rocks in their pockets. But I am here now.

Pausing halfway down the sidewalk, Delores gave the priest a wave, then walked away.

Caleb Hill closed the door as thoughts of his past came up to him and tugged at his jacket like a needy child. Oh God, I know I am unworthy of your love...of any love. There was a plastic Jesus on the dining table, Cal picked it up and held it close. "I hunger," he whispered, stupidly hoping for some reply. There was a fridge full of food but he knew where he'd be dining. Walking to the window, he peered at the forest. Blood called to Father Cal. He would have to reply.

I am a monster. 

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