Be quiet, she is asleep - Azriel

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Words: about 2.5k words 

Warnings: angst to fluff, mention of death, wound and blood, sad Azzy and sad reader, bad writing

Author’s note: Hi! This oneshot was requested on Tumblr.
Hope you like it! 

Request are open
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I had been part of the Inner Circle from the very beginning. I was a dear friend of Rhysand’s sister, so when she died in the attack from the Spring Court with her mother, I lost one of the dearest people in my life. After their death Rhysand welcomed me into his family, since he knew that I didn’t have anybody except his sister and his mother, so I became part of the Inner Circle. My work for the High Lord is do research in the library, and studying, to help him to find solution at his problem, and even though I've been trying for years to convince Rhysand to give me a job in the field, where you have to go on missions, because I feel useless, he every time tells me that he can't do it, that he can't afford to endanger the only "sister" he has left. For the three batboys I have always been like a sort of sister, and because of that they have always done everything to protect me from all the problems and dangers of the world. The most protective of me is Azriel, for whom I shouldn't even ally myself because I might get hurt, but Cassian always felt it was important that I knew how to fight, in case. They have always protected me, from everything, saying that something as sweet and kind as me, could not be ruined by the horrible world outside. 

After I have officially joined the Inner Circle, Azriel and I immediately get along, sharing our pain and helping each other to go through it, since he was really close to them too. 
Our relationship only grew from that. We are both shy people that prefer a night in, reading a book and drinking a tea, than going out and dancing, even if we had to do that sometimes because our lovely Mor obligates us. So we spend a lot of our free time talking about books, taking a coffee in a coffee shop on the river of the Sidra, walking down the streets, watching the shops in the Rainbow, listening or talking about our favourite music or just staying in each other's company without talking. However, I have seen Azriel very little for a while now. Every time I ask him if he would like to go for a walk, he makes up excuses that are not very believable, or if he enters a room and sees that I am there, he immediately leaves or on the contrary if I enter a room where he is he immediately runs away. And this hurts me, because I feel lonely without him. I love to spend time with him, because it makes me feel loved, but now that he is so distant, every time that he escapes from me I feel more unwanted every time. 

I haven't seen Az all day, which is not very strange since he is spending more and more time away from me. I'm about to walk into the bookstore at Rhys's river house, after a busy day, with the only desire to relax for a moment, reading my favorite book, when I hear someone laughing. I lean slightly over the bookstore door to see who is laughing and I see the shadowsinger sitting in an armchair laughing at something Elain, who is sitting on the couch next to him, had told him. This scene hurts me even more. 
By now it's been over a decade since I realized that I feel something other than friendship for Az, in fact not only do I feel something, but I love him. 
I feel tears forming in my eyes, but I force myself to swallow the pain, and giving the most fake smile I've ever given, I walk into the room. 

Y/N: "Hi"- I say waving slightly to the two sitting in front of the fire. 
I sit in the armchair next to Azriel, and Azriel freezes when he sees me, as if he had seen a ghost. He starts whispering something, and then gets up to leave. I roll my eyes, and tired of that behavior I start to scream at him with all my pain.
 
Y/N: "What is your problem with me Az? What did I do to you that kept avoiding me?"
 
Azriel: "What are you talking about, I'm not avoiding you, I have other things to do." 

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