Johnny sat at the kitchen table, his notebook sat in front of him and a pen in hand as he jotted down lyrics, crossing words out when he wasn't happy with it, writing down notes in the margins, circling lines that he loves.
This was when he was most relaxed, when he was creating. Music was always his escape from reality.
He had thought writing about everything would make him feel better about everything, and to some extent it did, but it also made him realize just how bad things had gotten.
He stared down at the dark, sullen lyrics with a frown, it was too soon to write probably, the words were so literal and to the point, he wasn't sure if that was what he wanted.
This was probably one of those songs that would end up staying in his notebook, not to see the light of day. Johnny wanted to express what he had been feeling and going through, but 'hey my child's dead, my fianceé left me, I relapsed and I want to die! Ba da da da dum ta!' Was a little too... straight forward.
The singer finally crossed out the lyrics and flipped to a different page, stopping on one song he had written a few months prior.
Ballad of a bastard father
He had written it after he had made the decision to put Faith up for adoption. It was probably the most raw and honest song he had ever written, that was why he would never release it.
Part of the singer wanted to reach out, but he felt selfish doing so, how could it not be seen as anything other than him trying to fill the void that he had lost when Gretchen miscarried. It wasn't that, far from it; he wanted so desperately to be apart of Faith's life, but before it had been too complicated, and now he was in no mental or emotional state to take care of a child.
She looked like Vivian, but she had his eyes and smile. They had made a really fucking adorable kid if he did say so himself. God, he wanted to call Elias and ask if he could see Faith, if he could spend time with her, but he had no idea how he could do it.
His mind wandered back to Gretchen, and he instinctively reached for his phone, only to remember that he had changed the lockscreen. He wondered how she was doing, if she had gotten a job in Ohio yet, was she still at her parent's house or has she already gotten an apartment? Then his phone buzzed, and he glanced down at the screen.
Speak of the proverbial devil.
Love of my life🖤: 'Taylor is gonna stop by and get the rest of my things, she already has a key and I gave her the code, so you don't have to worry about letting her in, and you can change the locks and code afterwards if you think that's necessary.'
Johnny stared down at the text. No how are you? Is everything ok? I miss you. Nothing, just straight to the point.
'Ok that's fine. You doing alright?' He replied. The singer desperately wanted to know if she was ok, she had been through so much, he had put her through so much... he just wanted to make sure she wasn't going through what he was.
Love of my life🖤: 'Much better now that I'm out of LA.'
Johnny let out a shaky breath and ran a hand over his face to try to keep from crying, until his phone buzzed again.
Love of my life🖤: 'I really appreciated the tweet, Johnny. You didn't have to do that, and I hope you're doing ok too❤'
'Of course, it's the least I could do after everything.' That was all he could reply, fighting the knee jerk response to say 'I love you' at the end.
YOU ARE READING
My Empire of Dirt
FanfictionAfter everything Johnny has gone through over the past few years, he had finally met his wits end, but perhaps some time spent at a private beach house and the company of his former bassist is what he needs to come back to himself. Each chapter is b...
