My Empire of Dirt

Thank Your God and Get Off Your Knees

Cold.

That's the first thing that Johnny felt as he came back to reality. He thought hell was supposed to be hot?

Next thing was a soft beeping sound coming from the left of him. What the hell was that? He opened his eyes slowly, blinking at the stark white light that burned into his retinas. His head was throbbing and his mouth was uncomfortably dry and his stomach felt like it was filled with hot pokers.

He blinked heavily, clearly he was in a hospital. Damnit.

How did he get there? Who had found him? Johnny glanced to his left and saw Elias standing in the hallway, yelling at some poor orderly in front of him. He then glanced over to the right side of the room and froze.

Lily was hunched over in a small chair next to the bed, her legs propped up on the mattress and her head tilted to the side. Johnny couldn't see her face due to the curtain of hair that hung in it, but based on the messy of tangles, she had been there for a while.

Lily found him?

How the fuck did she find him? How did she get into his house? Should he wake her up?

Lily stirred in her sleep and lifted her head a bit, blinking slowly. She glanced over at the bed and nearly fell out of her chair when she saw Johnny looking at her.

"You're awake." She breathed, he still looked out of it, but not nearly enough to get rid of the confused and annoyed look that had plastered itself across his sickly pale and gaunt face.

"Why are you here, Lily?" He whispered, too tired to actually speak at any louder of a volume; if he didn't feel so weak, he would've yelled it.

"I- um so like- I don't know- I called you a few times and you didn't answer and you haven't been answering anyone else so I- like I just had a bad feeling this time so I came to check on you..." Lily explained uncomfortably, avoiding Johnny's icy gaze as he glowered at her.

Of course Lily was the one to save him, in a way it was like poetic justice; she started this whole spiral, she might as well be there to pick up the pieces when he inevitably fell apart.

Johnny sighed in frustration and exhaustion, turning his gaze to the ceiling before he closed his eyes once again, the damned lights felt like they would melt his eyeballs.

So the hand in his hair and her soft, panicked and muffled voice was real, he hadn't been hallucinating it after all. Johnny wanted to ask how she got into his house in the first place, but he didn't want to talk to her in that moment, or ever if he was being honest.

The bassist shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "I um- I would've called Gretchen for you, but I don't have her number and I didn't think she'd want to talk to me." She said, staring down at her well worn sweatpants that she's had for years. God, this was so fucking painful, she couldn't even look at him.

She wanted to get out of her seat and throw herself at the singer, wrap her arms around him tightly and never let go in fear that he might dissapear.

That he might hurt himself again.

The frontman did his best not to flinch or tear up at the mention of his ex fianceé so he kept his eyes closed, not acknowledging Lily's words or presence anymore.

His chest was hurting so much and he couldn't tell if it was from the overdose or from the heartbreak.

"Do you like want me to leave? I can- I'll leave, it's fine- I'll just-" Lily stood up and grabbed her jacket, looking at Johnny from the doorway for a long moment before she finally left.