𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐓𝐒 || 𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝟑: 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐁𝐲𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Chapter Four: The Sauna Test - [Pt. 1]

instead of adding a gif here cs im lazy i would like to make a sincere apology to all my readers. i disappeared for 6 months bc i had to work on myself (and i was kinda mad the last chap i worked crazy hard on flopped). please forgive me and enjoy AND INTERACT with this new chapter.

chapter four
[pt. 1]
the sauna test
✧.*

(trigger warning! contains self harm, s*cidal thoughts, mentions of s*x, depiction of s*x, blood, knives, depression, fear, trauma, and other y/n like topics. y'all know the drill with this gurl 😭)

Your POV

Anne could evidently be smart to some purpose for she was down-stairs in ten minutes' time, with her clothes neatly on, her hair brushed and braided, her face washed, and a comfortable consciousness pervading her soul that she had fulfilled all Marilla's requirements. As a matter of fact, however, she had forgotten to turn back the bedclothes.

"I'm pretty hungry this morning," she announced as she slipped into the chair Marilla placed for her. "The world doesn't seem such a howling wilderness as it did last night. I'm so glad it's a sunshiny morning. But I like rainy mornings real well, too. All sorts of mornings are interesting, don't you think?

Anne of Green Gables was one of my favorite books of all time. I had went home last night (El was at Max's house), and couldn't go to sleep. Everything was a reminder that I wasn't enough. That I would never be capable of making others proud of me.

I was a disappointment. I don't deserve to be on this earth, I'm wasting space.

Since I didn't go to sleep last night, I had stayed up reading a portion of Anne of Green Gables and writing in my room. Reading made me happy. It distracted me from attempting to hurt myself with a knife that I had hidden successfully; I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it.

Cutting myself helped release all of the anxiety inside of me. All I wanted was to feel better; since nobody was there to be with me, I had to handle it alone. Everything I do is alone, and it starts to break you apart after a while.

But even with the distractions, I couldn't help myself. The sun would come up with blood dripping down my arm and a the 'death note' page in my journal being filled with more words than she could count.

Okay I need to address the primary problem, was I mad at Will? The answer is yes, I was extremely mad. So taking care of him in another dimension wasn't enough for him? So worrying about him for a year wasn't enough for him? So saving his life wasn't enough for him? Apparently I would never be good enough for him.

I'd never be good enough for anyone. They'd all probably be better off without me.

They'd all probably be better off without me.

I grabbed a random black sweatshirt I had lying around - it was long sleeve and would cover my newly formed scars. They'd never know. Well, they'd never care to ask in the first place. Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice from outside my room.

A calming voice ; the voice of Joyce Byers. Joyce was one of the only people that understood my struggles.

She may not know everything that happens behind my room doors or in the bathroom, but she understands and comforts me about what she was told. To me, that meant everything.