Christmas in London

Chapter 6

Harry keeps his hands tucked into his pockets, shoulders hunched up as we make our way down what feels like the hundredth strip. My ears burn from the chill. In my mind, I can see my hat sitting on the arm of the chair in my mind. I should have gone back for it like Harry suggested. Despite the biting cold, Harry's smile stays intact.

"Let's try here." He steers me into another shop.

"Why can't we just get a gift card?"

"That's no fun." he scoffs. "We need something that'll be fun to open."

"Gift cards are fun and versatile." I point out rubbing at my ears to warm them.

"Yes, gift cards are all those things." he goes to the camera section of the little tech shop we just walked into. "But it's still no fun." He picks a polaroid camera up. "It's too practical."

"What's wrong with a practical gift?"

"Christmas is everything but practical, Evie." He turns to face me winding his arm around my waist and pulling me against his chest.

"That's the problem," I mutter under my breath. He presses a kiss to my forehead.

"But I will compromise, and we'll get this." he holds up the polaroid camera. "It's fun, and re-giftable if whoever gets it doesn't like it."

I peck a kiss to his chin. "Thank you." I slip my hand into his and let him lead the way to the front.

Back out into the seasonal freezer, I glance at Harry and the bag in his hand. Picking out a gift for someone you know should be easier than picking one out for a stranger.

"What did you tell your mom you wanted for Christmas." my cast is too obvious, he's not going to take the bait.

"Nothing, Evie." He laughs. "I mean it. I'm not saying that out of some misplaced consideration. I just... I have everything someone could give me."

"Well just name something." I press, irritation climbing up my spine.

"I want you to have fun. That's it." He chuckles.

"It's not funny. Harry." I don't mean to snap. "Please. I said please. You have to tell me now."

"Evie." he sighs, smile softening. "I've already told you."

"Just tell me what you want!" I almost yell. I didn't mean to do that. I open my mouth to fix it. To apologize.

He holds his arms out like he's surrendering. "I told you all I wanted was for you to have fun."

"That's not a gift." I want to take the words back.

"It's not really up to you to decide what I deem a gift is it?" His tone shifts, sharper.

I grind my teeth angry tears pricking my eyes.

"Evie." His tone loses its edge as he reaches for me, to hug me, to try and make me feel better. I push him away, wanting to shove and hug him at the same time.

"Stop doing that." He almost snaps, a combination of irritation and desperation. "Let me help you."

"I don't want your help," my hands shake. "I just wanted to know what you wanted. If you just told me none of this would have happened."

He sighs, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. "I already told you."

"That's not fair." My insides tremble as my temper flares "Everything you do is perfect. You know exactly what to get everyone. You know exactly how to make me smile and all I do is sour the mood.

"No that's not—"

"I'm doing it right now!" I cut him off. "I know I'm doing it, but I don't know how to stop it. I feel like I can't breathe Harry... I hate this time of year. I hate how full everything is, how much there is of everything. I feel like..." I search for the words as he watches me, waiting for me to calm myself down. "I feel like I'm stuck in a tacky snow globe crammed full with superficial holiday cheer."

Harry tucks his hands into his pockets and drops his eyes from mine. "I just wanted you to have fun... to see that holidays can be fun with the right people."

"I know." My voice cracks. "I know what you wanted but, I'm not having fun."

He nods, looking around. "I can see that." his shoulders rise as he takes in a deep breath a small sad smile tugs at his lips. "You know... every once in a while, when we were doing something together your eyes would light up and I kept thinking, this is it. She's seeing why we love Christmas so much. She's having a good time. I thought..." he sighs. "I thought if I showed you enough good stuff. If I gave you enough good memories then I could erase all the bad ones you have." He looks at me. "I didn't mean to make you feel like you had to be perfect for me. I genuinely just wanted to make you happy."

I ball my hands into fists, tears slipping down my cheeks. "Even what you want is what you're supposed to want for Christmas." I shake my head. "I can't keep up with you Harry. You're so... happy all the time."

He laughs at that. "Oh, Evie." There's a note of melancholy in his smile. "I'm happy when I'm with you. Even if we do fight sometimes. You make me happy because... when you want to have a good time, you make it feel like we can do anything." He frees his hand from his pocket to reach for mine but I back away.

"I can't..." I squeeze my eyes shut trying to get rid of the tears. "I can't go to the Christmas gala tonight."

His shoulders droop. "Okay." His voice was barely a whisper. "We can—"

"You go and you have fun." I take another step away from him. "And when the holidays are over things can go back to normal."

"So what?" He asks as I head down the street. "We can just have this same fight every year?" His voice rises to follow me. "It can be our new tradition."

"You like traditions." I shoot back.

"I suppose you do too." He shouts, real anger tainting his musical tone. "We can keep the holiday fights going for years to come."

My heart stops beating at the truth in his words. I'm doing exactly what mom did.  

Belated post but we're still here 😁