All That I'm Living For

Chapter 3

   I pushed the door open, and a breath of cool morning air met me. Clumps of thick clouds trundled silently over the city, an unusually strong wind driving them along.

"It's cold today..." I shivered a bit, and graved a jacket from a near door to wrap around myself. A week had passed since I begun living in The Guard's headquarters.  They had allowed me to roam around as I pleased, and I was given a room of my own. They weren't the best accommodations, but given that they very nearly murdered me instead, I thought it best not to complain.

"Still...." I looked down at my feet on the cold floor and sighed. "Do I really need to dress like this all the time?"

They'd given me a place to live, for the time being, but it hadn't been without conditions...

*BEGINNING OF FLASHBACK*

"The Guard will look after you, but we cant have a woman running around our headquarters." As he explained, if rumors were to spread that The Guard were keeping a woman in their compound, tongues would begin to wag.

It might even bring the people who were after my father to The Guard in search of me. Of course, they hadn't been able to determine whether or not he'd even been attacked. There were a great many questions left unanswered. We could ill-afford any reckless decisions.

Or so Cadell had told me.

"In other words, we need you to keep pretending to be a man. I doubt that's what you wanted to hear, but you do it or your out on your ass. Clear?"

"....Yes."

His reasoning was sound. But perhaps more than that, I knew he was looking out not only for The Guard, but also for the safety of my father and myself.

I didn't have a choice, of course, but knowing that made following his orders at least somewhat more palatable.

"I doubt you would do so intentionally, but the presence of a woman could...ah...disrupt morale, so to speak." Uther's tone suggested he was joking, but it was clear that he was telling the truth as well. "For that reason, only we, The Guard's leadership, will know the truth of your situation."

If word were to get out, there was no telling how fast rumors could spread, or where to. I had to stay a boy. "Alright then. What should I do while I'm here?"

"Nothing." Cadell said. "You're gonna get a room, and you're gonna stay in it."

"Really? I could have sworn we decided she was going to be someone's page..."

Cadell turned toward Terrance and his eyes narrowed. "Terrance... Keep your tongue in your mouth or I'll cut the fucking thing off."

*END OF FLASHBACK*

Before long, I'd been there for a week. "I guess I don't have much of a choice...I'd prefer otherwise, of course, but I'll do what I have to."

I wasn't quite sure what to make of it yet, but sine I'd been dressing like a boy, I'd grown rather used to the feel of wearing pants, and of having the sword my father had given me always at my hip. He'd presented me with it when I was only a child, and impressed upon me at least some of its importance.

Supposedly, it had been in the Wirt Lemer family for generations. As such, I was forced to take lessons in swordplay, so I knew which end was meant for the enemy, but...I had never much cared for weapons. They hurt people, of course, but it was more than that, at least to me.

For as far back as I could remember, any wounds I suffered healed at an incredible rate. Small cuts would disappear overnight. As a child I'd thought nothing of it, but as I grew older I began to realize that I was not quite normal.