All That I'm Living For

Chapter 4

I watched shadows drift up my walls, as the orange light of the sun painted my room the color of autumn leaves.

"How long am I going to do this...?" Solitude was proving detrimental to any sort of continued optimism. All my thoughts eventually turned dark and hopeless. It was depressing, but most of all it was frustrating. How could I let myself be discouraged so easily? Fairly easily, actually. I'd  been swept up in a frightening world I didn't understand and couldn't possibly control.

"I can't possibly figure out what's happening to Father if I'm stuck here... Only Cadell can give me permission to leave, and he's gone..." All I could do was wait. Lamenting things I couldn't change wouldn't improve my situation, and would arguably make it worse.

"Hmm..." Still, there was at least one thing I had to be thankful for. "At least they've all been nice to me..." I knew I couldn't trust the men of The Guard completely. They were after all, men who could take my life in the blink of an eye.

It would be all too easy for the next life they took to be mine. "They're nice men, deep down...right?"

"Has anybody called you gullible yet?"

"Ah-!" My voice froze in my throat. I turned slowly to find Terrance standing behind me. "Wh-What are you doing here?!"

"Oh, you didn't notice me? Well, it's my turn to keep watch."

"..." Of course. I was under surveillance. Which meant... "Did you hear everything I said...?"

"Hm?" He said nothing, only smiled and blinked laconically.

"..." He'd heard me. He definitely heard me!

I wanted to scream, but before I could open my mouth Ken stepped out from behind the door. "I think that's enough fraternizing, Terrance."

"Were you here the whole time too?!"

"I arrived moments ago."

"Oh, thank goodness..." I pressed my hand to my chest, in an effort to calm my pounding heart. "U-Um, I'm sorry... For...for screaming like that..."

"It's nothing. And at any rate, it isn't as if you were saying anything that might cause trouble for you."

"Ah!" Then...he had hear me?! "T-True, I didn't say anything, um, bad, but still-!" It's embarrassing being caught talking to oneself! I was so embarrassed... Ken looked from me to Terrance and back, and his brows drew together almost imperceptibly. "I came to tell you that dinner is ready, but... Have I interrupted something?"

"Oh! No! Nothing at all!" I shook my head emphatically.

"I had intended to wait until you and Terrance finished your discussion, but..." He let the words hang in the air, but his eyes said that he'd determined we'd continue forever if he didn't interrupt. I had opened my mouth to say... I'm not sure what, when--

Eridan shot through the door. The moment he saw us, however, his face fell. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's going on here, Ken? You and her are best buddies now?"

"My apologies, I was only here on business."

Eridan perked up Ken's apology, and he gave the man a quick grin. "Well, it's time to eat. Let's go! We don't hurry up, it's gonna be gone!"

"Okay!" I said.

"You're late." The moment we stepped into the dining hall, Cedric and Aidan looked up at us. "You kids're late. Who's gonna answer to my churning stomach?"

"You mean 'growling,' Ced." Eridan corrected. "Really, he's so simple sometimes..."

"You guys oughta apologize to my stomach! He wanted to dig in, but I said, 'No, we've gotta wait for 'em.' "