MATHEUS 18+

Set the march

1

Your life can change in a matter of seconds. One second you could be the brightest star on the stage and the next you're on your back on that same stage feeling the pain of losing everything you've worked for.

I was carried away from the stage that day, away from what made life worth it.

At fifteen, I was running 4 miles every morning just to then go to dance practice. I had the stamina to just always be able to keep going but, as I looked at the bus driving away, all I could feel was an ache in my knee.

I'm fully healed. I'm fine, I've been fine for a while now but, any time I think about making that leap, about chasing again, I feel the same,
Excruciating pain.

The next bus came 25 minutes after, and I accepted my fate as I touched my card to the scanner. I'm about to come to work late for the 4th time this month.

The supervisor eyes me as I clock in using the service desk. She says nothing now but, I'm certain that she's going to by the way she tilts her head and lets out a little laugh in disbelief.

Before she can say anything, though, I rush out of the lobby and walk in the direction of the locker room.
Changing out of my street clothes and into my scrubs also always took me a long time.

I walked to the supervisor's office to get my designations for the day.
Biting my lip because I just know I'm about to be told off.

"Morning, Mrs. Mari." The woman who I saw in the lobby moments ago Swifts up her glasses and stares at me. She blinks at me, almost as if she's surprised to see me.
"Oh, morning, Ms Washington. I almost thought you weren't going to make it today. Do you know why? '' the woman asked.
I put my head down to avoid making eye contact with her own disappointed eyes.

" Because you were supposed to clock in at 8 o'clock. And it's not 8, it's 9:35. Most people at a minimum are 30 minutes late for work."

"I'm sorry, I w-"

"I would rather not hear it. If you're not willing to keep to the schedule we agreed on, I will ensure that you get more than enough chances to be at home or wherever else you are when you're supposed to be here."

I don't say anything else as she brings out my care plans for the day.
I don't even know why I'm late most days. Despite the fact, that I sleep at 9 o'clock every night and I wake up at 5:30 am. With more than enough time to get ready and get here.

But most days, I find that I can't even get up from bed.
I can't stand to come here every day and do the same thing.

I chose this job because I knew that I loved people and I wanted to help the people forgotten by our society.
A certain part of me still feels that way.
And I'm not unwilling to come here because of the clients necessarily, but by the monotonousness of it all.

I come here every morning, when I'm early I receive my schedule with all the other CNAs, greet them, (some are nice (few) and most are snarky and impatient.) We all drift away to our rooms to get rounds of morning care performed, check vitals, breakfast, and then we do a range of motion exercises, we clean and organize the area and prepare for the lunch shift.

That's all.
That's all I've been doing for the past 4 years.

And I can barely get out of bed to come here these days.

—

"If you need me, please use the call light, Mr. Walters." I say to the old man I'd just exercised with.
Mr. Walter is one of the friendly ones.
One of the ones who don't allow this place to rob them of their sense of joy and confidence.