The Arts

23 - ...Know When To Walk Away

MATT

          He had avoided this truth ever since he got to The Arts. Because it seemed selfish, stupid, even ungrateful to consider.

          But he didn't want to be part of The Flaming Wolves anymore.

          And Robbie had become his best friend over the years. He wasn't sure how he was ever going to break the news to him.

          Especially because Robbie might be a huge part of the reason Matt wanted to leave.

The thought was something he felt like he needed to tuck away more than ever now. Robbie had told him and Andi yesterday that in a twisted turn of events, The Flaming Wolves would be performing at the homecoming dance. Matt was over-the-moon happy for Robbie. For himself, not so much.

          It was complicated. Robbie was passionate and knew in his heart of hearts that playing in a band was endgame for him, but with each rehearsal that passed it became clearer to Matt that that wasn't what he wanted. Not that Robbie was a bad leader, per se. He was a very good leader. He was knowledgeable, and talented, and hardworking, and passionate, and all of those positive qualities, but he was also very demanding. And that was a necessity for such a competitive field, wasn't it?

          Matt wasn't sure if "demanding" was something he wanted to deal with for the rest of his life. But he did love playing the drums, and he didn't want to give that up right away. So where was the balance? If he wasn't making music with Robbie, what else was there?

          Okay, sure. It was a performing arts school. Obviously Matt could simply find other musicians. But did he really want to start all over? He knew from recent experience that building a band from the ground up is hard, and it would be even more so if he left Robbie in search of more laid-back guitarists.

          Matt could go to Tony about anything. They were in Gianna's room the Friday before the dance getting ready for the homecoming game. As they all freshened up and touched up their school spirit drip, Matt spilled his feelings to his boyfriend.

          "You clearly love what you do," Tony said, drawing thick black lines across his cheeks. "Maybe you could talk to Robbie about an alternative rehearsal schedule? You've been together for years. Do you really need to practice as a group multiple times a week?"

          Matt laced up his Converse. "Well, it's a little crazy right now. We're playing a couple songs at the dance tomorrow now, so we've been meeting up more than usual just in case we got the call to go on. Which obviously we did. But Robbie thinks after people see us perform we're gonna get all these gigs, and it's like...do I really want all these gigs?"

          "Maybe you could tell him that you just don't have the same kind of bandwidth that he has. No pun intended," Tony brushed a vibrant green eyeshadow over his lids. "If it's a mental energy thing, then he'd understand, I think. You guys are best friends. He wants you to be happy."

          "If I asked him to schedule less performances I'd be taking away his lifeline. This band has been our entire life since freaking elementary school. What if I pull away from The Flaming Wolves and just lose him entirely?" Matt said the last part louder and more desperate. Tony nodded slowly, understanding. He sat down on the bed next to Matt.

          "So that's what this is really about?" Tony asked quietly. Matt nodded, silent, afraid that if he spoke he'd burst out crying.

          "I know it can be scary to stop spending so much time with someone you're used to seeing every day. But if he's your best friend, then he'll still make time for you. Even if he needs to replace you in the band."