Bad Scarlet

Prologue

Malakas na tumama ang palad ko sa kanyang pisngi dahilan ng pagkakatagilid ng kanyang mukha. Binalot ng init ang aking katawan dahil sa galit. The sting of pain biting on my palm wasn't enough to kill the tension neither were the red marks of my fingers upon his face.

Sandali kaming binalot kami ng katahimikan. My hand trembled with regret. I didn't mean to be violent but I was so mad I couldn't dare myself to apologize. Isa pa, bakit naman ako hihingi ng paumanhin sa bagay na ilang taon ko nang gustong gawin?

Mariing kumuyom ang kanyang panga at unti-unting iminulat ang mga mata. Hindi niya iyon agad itinuon sa akin ngunit tanaw ko ang pagsiklab ng galit. Halos umurong ang dila ko sa dilim na naroon ngunit hindi ako nagpatalo.

"Don't deny it, Eli! Or Elias! Gideon! Who the hell are you, really?" I shouted to his face. Kumalabog ang dibdib ko nang mabagal niyang inabot ang pangang tinamaan ng sampal. His pale long fingers reminded me of the distant past. Ipinilig ko ang ulo upang iwaksi iyon at lalo siyang tinapunan nang matalim na titig nang mag-angat ng tingin sa akin. "Never mind! Hindi ko na rin naman kailangan pang alamin lalo at alam ko na ang dahilan mo sa lahat ng iyon. It's the money, right? For revenge? You fulfilled your desire at the expense of someone's innocence! Ginamit mo 'k-ko!"

My breath was shaky. It didn't help that the tears were threatening to fall. Hindi ko alam kung paano iyon lalabanan nang tila nang-iinsultong nanliit ang mga mata niya. Subalit nang sumibol ang ngisi sa sulok ng kanyang labi ay nawalan ako ng pake sa maari niyang isipin.

I had long convinced myself he did it. That he used me. That he took advantage of my naivety. Hindi madaling paniwalain ngunit kalaunan ay mapait na natanggap. But to say it out loud to him was different. I intently watched his face for a reaction. Na baka mali ako. Na baka hindi talaga ganoon. I hoped that, perhaps, hearing it, he would react violently and tell me how wrong I had been. 

Subalit hindi. He stared down at me like a villain who had the audacity to be amused at someone's misery. Hinayaan ko na ang mga luha at muling sinubukan siyang saktan. Unfortunately, he saw it coming this time and caught my arm. I grimaced when he didn't let go. Bagkus ay lalo pang lumapit.

"Calm down now, baby. Your heart is—"

"Don't! Don't call me that!" I shouted. Marinig lang iyon sa kanya ay abot-abot ang tahip ng aking dibdib at kilabot. Hindi ko rin nagustuhan ang pangungutya sa tono niya. I couldn't help but glare in disdain. Nang hindi niya tuluyang pinakawalan ang braso ko ay ginamit ko ang malayang kamay para hampasin siya sa dibdib nang ilang ulit. "And my heart is perfectly fine. I am perfectly fine! You don't—"

"Oh?" he whispered tauntingly. Tamad niyang hinuli ang isa ko pang kamay bago parehas na pinakawalan. Ang namumungay na mga mata ay punong-puno ng tuwa na dagdag galit ang dulot sa akin. "That's good news. It's good to hear you're doing fine now, Shiloh."

Doing fine.

Why... that sounded like an insult to the years of my attempt to get over him.

I looked away to avoid his thumb from reaching for my tears. Ilang taon ngunit alam na alam niya ang kahinaan ko. Likewise, I was too familiar with his effect on me. His gesture. His voice. His eyes. His scent. Lahat ay kusa akong ibinabalik sa nakaraang ilang subok ko nang nililimot.

But I knew all my attempts would be futile if I didn't bravely face him. Bagay na ginagawa ko ngayon.

Marahan kong kinakalma ang sarili sa lalong paglapit niya nang marahang kumawala ang malalim niyang halakhak. It was soft and short-lived. Kung hindi ako nanginig ay hindi ko iyon paniniwalaan. Isa pa ay naiwan ang multo ng ngiti sa kanyang labi. Matalim ko mang titigan ay hindi na naglaho.

His hand changed direction. Imbis na sa mukha ay marahang kinuha ang takas kong buhok at inipit sa tainga.

"If you're done, I'm afraid I have to go. You see, I left some business there to attend to you." His thumb pointed past his shoulder.

Business. I gritted my teeth in irritation. Hindi rin napigilan na marahas hampasin ang kamay niya palayo sa akin. Nginisihan niya lang iyon gayong naramdaman ng palad ko ang sakit.

"You mean your girl? Pang-ilang babae na iyan ngayong linggo lang? You're really unbelievable!"

He stepped back and I was able to inhale for air. Ginawa niya lang iyon upang mataman akong pakatitigan bago muling inangkin ang distansya namin.

"Now, now, Shiloh," he murmured tauntingly. "Don't get too eager to share your efforts. Leave it to me. Let me discover how desperate you have been to find me. Private investigator, I heard?"

I scoffed. Hindi ko na ikinagulat na alam niya. Ngunit hindi ko rin naman ikinatuwa. "I have reasons to investigate you, Gideon," I snapped. "Kung inaakala mong ganun lang ang panggugulong ginawa mo sa pamilya ko ay nagkakamali ka."

"Right," he sighed dismissively. Something dark and fleeting crossed his eyes. "We can discuss that matter some other day."

I frowned. What the hell does that mean? Mabilis na pinalis ko ang luha sa mukha upang mapakatitigan siya. At sa matigas na boses ay nagtanong, "what do you mean...?" the rest of my words were stuck in my throat when he crouched for my ear. Kahit hindi nakikita ay ramdam ko ang pangisi niya roon. Both the proximity and his breath on my skin paralyzed me.

"Be my bed warmer, Shiloh... You're mad because you learned of my other girls. You know I can always welcome you in my bed, too. I got you a little spoiled, didn't I?" aniya na nagpatindig ng balahibo ko. I failed to hide my surprise kahit pa nang tuwid siyang tumayo at muling humiwalay. It left me breathless. I glared at the satisfaction gleaming on his face. Nanunuya siyang nagtaas ng kilay. Tila iyon gatilyo na muling nagpagalaw sa akin. 

"Kung anumang kalokohan iyang—"

"You'll deny it? Hmm?" panghahamon niya. Dazed and confused, I blinked. Lumaki ang ngisi niya sa pagkatulala ko. His hungry eyes flickered down to my lips before he nodded with approval. "Good. I know you better, my Shiloh," the words suggestively rolled off his tongue.

It left me speechless again. 

"You know where to find me," he added.

And, suddenly, the amusement on his lips was gone. Wala rin ang bakas noon sa kanyang mga mata. He looked just like that guy I met inside my room the night of my eighteenth birthday, precisely five years ago.

Those menacing eyes spoke danger that the mere fact it was directed at me made me shudder. It was a strange feeling to me back in the day. Along with my recognition of it was the mixture of desire he awoke in me at a young age. It was a strong memory that I had to clench my fists on my sides for control, ayaw hayaan ang sarili na lamunin ng mga alaalang iyon.

When I blinked back to reality, he was halfway toward the exit, snatching a glass of alcohol from the waiter. Diretso ang matipunong balikat. Kapansin-pansin ang tangkad kung ikukumpara sa mga nilampasang dagat ng tao. He went to his circle without sparing me another glance, leaving me clueless, as he did five years ago after drowning me with desires I couldn't fulfill without him.

I hate him. I loathe him. Walang kapatawaran ang ginawa niya. Pain spread in my chest at the memory. Yet, I ached for vengeance as much as I ached for his touches and kisses... so bad I wanted to be his plaything... once again.