Brahms Heelshire

Chapter Eight

"I don't want to hurt you."

What is that supposed to mean? He hasn't hurt me before. Is he scared of me? No, that's the most dumbest thing to think. He kills. He isn't going to be scared.

"What are you talking about? You aren't going to hurt me, you never--"

"Stop it." He puts his hand in front of him as he backs away. "I don't want you near me."

"Brahms I-I dont understand....do you..want me to leave?" Please say no. Wait- what am I thinking?

"No, I want you to stay."

What? I'm so confused. He doesn't want me near him but..he wants me to still be here? This doesn't make sense.

"Brahms I don't understand. Can we talk about it?"

"Stop it...no, I said to STOP! GO AWAY!"

I flinch at his sudden burst. He isn't looking at me as he speaks, and his hands are on his head now. What's going on? Why is he acting like that?

"Stop what? I need you to talk to me."

"No, go away..leave me alone!" He hits his head with his hand in a closed fist. What is he doing? Then again. And again. And he won't stop.

"Brahms! Brahms, stop it! Okay, I'm here. I'm right here." I run towards him and pull his hands down from his face and I wrap my arms around his neck, standing on my tip toes. You're hugging a murderer.

"Its okay..everything is okay."

He starts crying. My heart sinks. I've never heard a grown man cry. It's so heartbreaking. His arms go around my waist and his head on my shoulder. He's shaking in my arms.

"Please, just make it stop." He cries harder after saying that and his grip gets tighter and he starts shaking more.

~~~

I somehow ended up on the floor of this hall sitting with my legs crossed. Brahms' head is in my lap with his arms around my hips, asleep. He cried for a long time and there was nothing I could do about it, I didn't know what to say to him, I didn't understand and I didn't want to say the wrong thing. You could see his face now. No, that's wrong. Why am I even thinking of that? You can get away with it. He won't know.

Sigh. My thoughts have been so wild lately. It makes it hard to focus on the man who lays asleep in my lap. I do wish I could see his face though, at least I would know if he's sleeping peacefully or not. But I don't look. I listen to his steady breathing, so he must be fine. I hadn't even realized I was running my hand through his hair. Oh. What is wrong with me?  I move my hand from his hair and place it on my leg.

He moves. His grip tightens around me for less than a second before his eyes open. He looks up at me first and then inhales, he slowly sits up and I just watch. He looks around for a second and then his eyes land back on me.

"I didn't...look or anything, if you were wondering..and you've been out for about fifteen minutes."

"T-Thank you." He then stands up slowly and stretches his arms a bit and looks down at me. "You must be hungry, I can go---"

"Wait a second Brahms," I stand also. How can he just act like nothing happened?  "We need to talk.."

He looks at the floor. Silence fills the hall for a moment. Then, he inhales, and exhales.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Brahms..look I want to help you the best I can but I can't if you wont tell me what's going on."