Save Your Heart (Harry Styles)

Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

I finally got out of Susan's clutches five hours later after promises of telling her 'everything'. Ya, that's not going to happen.

I slipped into my room, not bothering to get changed. I just walked out onto my balcony and smiled at Harry, who was perched up on the roof. His dimples were faint on his cheeks, but still noticeable with his smile.

"Susan was freaking out," I explained as he helped me up to the spot beside him, "Her and Zayn are going out."

"Nice for him," Harry commented.

"Ya, I told her to go for it, and I'm glad she did."

"Zayn deserves to be happy. It's been so long since he's had a girl in his life."

I smiled, "And I think Susan is perfect for that position."

Harry nodded, his hands rubbing together to keep warm. He let out a small sigh as I watched him curiously. He seemed comfortable, but sad. I could tell by the way his shoulders were dropped, just like his eyes. His hair had gone frizzy, but he didn't make a move to fix it. That wasn't like Harry.

"I envy the boys sometimes," he admitted, "How happy they are. They have love, and I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" I questioned. He lifted his eyes to meet mine, and I saw so much pain, it made me want to cry.

"Love just doesn't work out for me," he said, "I mean, I've tried, but it just doesn't work. They always...leave. And just when you think you've found the one girl on the entire planet who won't, she...she does."

"If they leave, it just means that they weren't the right one," I told him, "It's like building a puzzle. You try lots of different pieces, but only one really fits."

"But what if you lose that one piece?" Harry questions, "What if you find that piece that fits, and then you lose it?"

"If we're still talking about puzzles, then that piece you thought fit was forced. It didn't fit, as much as you thought it did and wanted it to. That means that perfect match is still out there, waiting to be found."

"I don't know," Harry sighed, "She was perfect. I thought she was, anyway. I was in love, and it was amazing, but I guess I didn't see all the obvious signs. She just...she seemed so happy. But I guess she wasn't. She wasn't happy at all."

"Why wasn't she happy?" I whispered.

"It's complicated," he said, obviously avoiding the subject. I decided to drop it...sort of.

"Why don't you believe you can love again?" I asked.

"It just doesn't work out for me," he repeated, and I sighed in frustration.

"Have you even tried?" I questioned, "Have you even looked?"

"I don't need to," he said, "I know that even if I find a girl that I love, she would never love me back."

"How do you know that?" I questioned, "What if the person you're destined to marry was sitting right next to you and you didn't even know it? What if your missing puzzle piece is so close, and you decide not to say hi because you don't want to get hurt? You could be missing out on opportunities to meet the one who won't leave, but you're too afraid to try?"

"Is that what YOU do?" Harry accused, "Break guy's hearts until you find your soulmate?"

I shrank back, my shoulders sagging. My smile was gone, replaced by an emotionless void of empty expression. It probably matched what Harry's looked like a month ago, when I first met him. Sadness that was hidden behind insecurities. Not many people notice this, because a lot of people don't realize how often they do it. But Harry seemed to know exactly what it meant.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to be so harsh."

"No, it wasn't that," I told him, "You aren't being harsh at all. I just...I've never...um...never really dated much."

Harry's eyebrow raised in question, "What are you talking about?"

"I've never dated, okay?" I exasperated, "Except once, but he was a total ass. I can get up in front of hundreds to perform, but I can't get up the fucking nerves to ask out a guy!"

"How have guys not approached you?" he questioned, "You're not exaclty hard on the eyes, Izzy."

"Well, apprently I'm not easy on the eyes either."

"Why do you think about yourself like that?!" Harry cried, "This is the second time you've said something like that, and you've been hinting at it for weeks! I know I'm not the best person to be telling you this, but at least you're hearing it! You can't honestly be so blind that you think you're terrible, Izzy! I think you're amazing, and beautiful, and...why can't you see that?"

I blinked at Harry's words, trying to comprehend them. My heart beat hard in my chest, and I could feel my hands shaking. Harry Styles just called me beautiful...and amazing...but why don't I believe him?

"Thanks for being nice," I said, "Nobody's ever told me that."

"Why not?"

I gave him a look, "Love just doesn't work out for me."

Harry rolled his eyes, "You still have a chance at least."

"And you do too!"

"Nobody will ever like me for me! I haven't let someone in for months!"

"That's your own fault, Harry!"

"Exactly! Nobody will ever love me back!"

Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed Harry's face in my hands and kissed him right on the lips. It only lasted about two seconds, before I pulled away. My eyes widened as realization hit me, and I backed up quickly. Harry opened his mouth to say something, but I didn't want to hear it. I jumped down to the balcony below, feeling pain shoot up from my ankle as I hit the ground. I tried my best to ignore it as I scrambled into my bedroom and locked the door, drawing the curtains in front just as Harry jumped down. I ran to my bed and hurried under the blankets, curling up into a ball with tears in my eyes. I heard Harry knocking on the glass and calling my name, but I won't answer. I messed up tonight, and I don't know if I can forget this humiliation.

What have I done?