Two Broken Souls

chapter twenty-three

When I was in grade school, my class went on a field trip to the zoo and I had the best time ever. My father chaperoned the trip and me and my friends made lasting memories. I remember that he bought all of us ice cream right before dropping all my friends off at home.

After the trip, that's when I decided that I wanted to become a veterinarian. I've always loved animals and was ambitious enough to go through all those years of schooling, but that's not true anymore.

What happened to that little girl? The one who knew exactly what she wanted.

The answer? Life fucking happened.

I was only two hours into a six hour shift and my feet were already aching like crazy. I had a really rough week and smoked a little bit before I arrived. Thank God it wasn't too busy for a Saturday night, but I did have to close tonight which always sucked. When I closed, I was never able to leave early.

I was leaning against the countertop pretending to wipe down the counter for the fifteenth time in the last five minutes. I was managing to save up some of my money before my parents found out about my job. I continued to lie and say that I needed money for college, but I needed to fund my habit.

"Excuse me, dear." An elderly woman with short grey hair waved me down.

"Yes," I put on her best customer service smile. "How may I help you?" I didn't even recognize my voice anymore when I was helping this older lady.

The woman signaled down towards her plate. "There is a dead fly on my pancakes."

I furrowed my eyebrows together. I didn't see anything there besides two freshly made pancakes drenched in syrup, powder sugar, and butter. A heart attack waiting to happen.

"I'm sorry, I don't see anything."

She pointed towards her plate. "Well, it's right here." She raised her voice in a condescending tone and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"I can have the back make you another batch." I compromised.

"I don't want another batch," The woman spat out. "I want a refund."

I didn't have the authority to refund people yet without a manager. "I'm sorry, unfortunately I can't do that."

The woman crossed her arms over her chest. "Then I need to see your manager."

"No problem." I turned around and called for Steven, the shift lead for the evening. When Steven passed me, I gave him a quick rundown of what happened. He nodded and said that he'll take care of it.

I watched as the woman repeated what she had told me mere seconds ago and I watched as Steven gave her an understanding nod and fake customer service smile.

Screw this, I needed a smoke break.

Now.

I hurriedly grabbed a full trash bag and made my way over to the alleyway behind Rosie's diner. I threw the trash away and looked around to make sure the coast was clear. I reached into my apron pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes, only enjoying the smoke for a few minutes before a hand clamped my shoulder.

"Are you out of your damn mind?" Steven shouted at me. I merely laughed at his outburst. A lot. Like ripping my guts out with laughter. "Oh, great. You're high." He commented.

I attempted to feign an innocent look and shrugged my shoulders, my laughter threatening to resurface. "I'm not high. I'm just having a good time." I answered.

After all, isn't that what life is all about? What's the point of living, if you always play by the rules and do what is expected of you?

"Really, because you reek of smoke." I was lacking the seriousness of what was actually happening. I thought the perfume I sprayed earlier would help mask the smell. I guess it didn't.

From what Steven could smell off of me, it probably wasn't very good weed that I had been smoking. I wasn't sure what power Steven really had over me.
Here he had a seventeen year old child reeking of smoke in front of him and he wasn't sure if he could fire me or not right now.

"Relax, okay?" I responded with a slight grin. She offered up a cigarette to him. "You want some?" She exploded in teary laughter once again.

"You're being an idiot." Steven muttered.

I sighed. "Whatever," I turned away from him to finish my cigarette.

I didn't want a lecture right now, I was already going through so much with falling behind in school, I might not even graduate on time.

Steven forcefully placed a hand on my shoulder, making a face. "I'm going to give you some piece of advice," he started. "Don't go down this rabbit hole, because it's not worth it. If you want to smoke weed because you think it's cool, then fine, but don't throw away the rest of your life for a few minutes of a good time."

I've never been yelled at before by an authority figure. I've always done well enough in school to keep my head down and my parents never disciplined me because they were never around. But being yelled at right now, by her manager, it didn't feel good.

"You don't know what you're talking about." I tried to keep my voice steady.

Steven stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest. "You're fired, Mia."

I swore quietly under her breath and stomped back into the diner. I threw down my apron and left, refusing to look back because if I did, I would start crying.

It was still light out as I walked.

I didn't have a destination in mind, I just kept walking and walking with nowhere to go. I walked, not realizing how far I had gone until I came across a park with a ginate fountain that I'd never seen before. Suddenly, I broke down and began crying in my hands.

I felt a huge pang of guilt. I felt like sinking into the ground or disappearing off the face of the earth. But my legs wouldn't let me.

I don't even know how I ended up here. I don't know what went wrong in my life. I have been on the same path as all my other classmates and now they're all going off to college. Or they at least know what they want to do after high school, while I had just lost my job and now I was losing myself.

But I really had no right to blame anyone other than myself.