Two Broken Souls

chapter eleven

On Saturday evening, Harry picked me up from my apartment for the family dinner I still have to attend until I turn eighteen. I'm wearing the same dress I always wear and Harry even dressed up without asking me. He offered to drive. We are silent on the way over, both of us staring out the window. We don't even turn on the radio.

I haven't seen my father since he moved back here with his new wife. They live in one of these colossal brand-new houses that look like every other house up and down the street. A perfect house, for his perfect new family. 

As we pull up to the front, Harry asks, "What's your fathers name?"

"David." I responded.

As the two of us march up the clean white sidewalk. Two matching SUVs are parked in the drive, shining as if their pretentious mechanical lives depend on it. David really did become the perfect father for a new family.

Harry stopped me for a moment. "Your father is David Stovall? As in the baseball player?"

"Yes," I said, knocking on the door.

His second wife, Candace answered the door. She is maybe late thirties, with blond hair and a small smile plastered on her face. "Hello, Mia."

My father came booming towards us from the backyard, where he was grilling chicken. Ten years ago, he was a professional baseball player, until he shattered his collarbone with a career ending injury.
He looks the same as he did the last time I saw him, too handsome and too fit for a guy his age, like he expects to be called back to duty at any moment but his dark hair is flecked with gray, which is new.
He gives me a hug and steps back to shake Harry's hand who looks like a little kid that just met Santa Clause.

"Firm handshake, I like that." David slaps Harry on his shoulder.

David made small talk wanting to know the usual. How my week was, how was school, did I learn anything he might not know. I did bring Harry along so the two can talk about baseball because once someone brings up the conversation of baseball, my father can go on for hours about his career starting all the way back to his little league days.

I told David about mine and Harry's new project and that ignites the conversation about Harry and my father bonding over baseball. His only response is to pop open another beer and attack the thirty-five pounds of meat with his tongs like it's in danger of rising up and devouring us all.

When it's actually time to eat, we sit in the white-and-gold dining room with the natural-wool carpet. Grace still sits in a high chair, babbling on with a bib tied around her neck. She has a birthday coming up I think, but I don't know if they're doing anything for it.

Harry and I sit in silence as Candace begins to serve everyone one by one. We both give her a small thanks when she hands us our plate.

There is uncomfortable silence that doesn't go unnoticed by David or Candace as they make eye contact with one another. I was really hoping that the baseball conversation would last longer than ten minutes.

"So how's school, did you apply to college yet?" Candace asked me. I don't really think she cares about my life. I've met her twice before today.

"Yup, state school. It's cheaper." I decided to lie, it's just easier than telling everyone that I have no fucking clue what I'm doing with my life.

"What about you, Harry?" David asked.

"I'm hopeful I'll be recruited by baseball scouts and be recruited by the Yankees." I guess Harry still holds onto his dreams even though he doesn't play anymore.

"What position do you play?"

"Pitcher, sir."

Grace sits in her tiny little chair. She just turned two. She is still learning to talk, but she manages to get a few sounding like words out.

Grace makes a noise and Candace talks to her in a baby voice. I watch the whole scene unfold. I find no affection towards Grace or any baby in general. They don't appeal to me, maybe that's why I don't want any.

David can sense that I am staring way to long. I hate being reminded of what I used to have. I had a dad who loved me, parents who cared. I hate it so much. I hate all of this. Why didn't my dad want me? Why doesn't anybody want me?

Grace makes a babbling noise and Candace smiles at her. "I can't hold it in any longer, can you ask her already?"

David shot Candace a stern look. As if this isn't the right time because no one was speaking. "Ask me what?" I said.

Candace gave me a big smile. "Grace is getting baptized in two months and your father and I would be honored if you were Grace's Godmother."

I look between Candace and David who's not even looking at me. Harry is quiet. This was never about a stupid 'family dinner' becuase we haven't even had one for almost six months. "Are you kidding me? Why the hell would I want to be her Godmother? I don't even consider her my sister."

"Amelia!" David yells, slamming down his beer bottle on top of the table. "That's enough." 

The rest of the dinner is eaten in uncomfortable silence, the only noise comes from Grace when I makes a movement. Dinner is thankfully cut short when I starts crying and has to be put to sleep.

I don't say anything as Candace and David walk the two of us out. "Thank you for dinner." Harry said. I walk away without another word.

Harry and I sat in his car for a few minutes before he turned on the engine. "Are you okay?"

I leaned my head further into the seat. "I don't want to talk about it."

Somehow, on the drive back to my house, we started to get into a small argument until we were full on yelling at each other.

"Stop the car." I said and he did as he was told.

I got out and began to walk.

"Mia," Harry called from inside his car. "Would you just get back in the car, please?" he begged.

I sighed. "I really don't want to be around you right now." Everyone is just getting on my nerves.

I continue to walk home or here recently trail behind me and his car. When I stopped, so did he.

"Can you just go please?" I questioned.

"It's either you get in the car I'm going to follow you all the way home." Harry said. "Dealer's choice."

I rolled my eyes and continued to walk. This was so annoying, whenever I fought with Jared he would just leave me wherever we were. Why can't Harry do the same?

"Whatever." I mumbled under her breath.

After a couple minutes of this ridiculous childhood act, Harry parked his car and got out to meet me on the sidewalk.

Harry kept his voice calm and steady. "You're being childish, Mia. Just get back in the car."

My voice was calm as well. "I really just want to be alone right now."

I wasn't even mad at Harry or anything, but I really did want to be alone and a walk right now is exactly what I wanted. If I was at home, I would have gone for a run, but I couldn't.

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine," he sighed. He stepped forward and dropped his key into my palm.

I looked down at my hand, confused. "What are you doing?"

"It's late, just drive yourself home and I'll get my car from you tomorrow." Harry stuck his hands into his pocket and walked away leaving me alone before I could say another word.

When I got home, I parked Harry's car at the end of the block in case my brother asked questions.

I quietly walked around the house and into the bathroom to change. I had a cabinet in the living room that held my essentials. In the bathroom, I rummaged through a box filled with medication. Advil, Ibuprofen, Excedrin, and over the counter sleeping pills.

I know without these pills, I won't sleep and will probably end up crying. I open the bottle, and dump two blue pills into my palm. I lean my head against the wall and read through one of my journals and write.

I woke up still on the floor of the living room. I quickly hid the rest of the pills and went to sleep back on my bed.