To Be A Champion

Chapter 15: I Don't Want To Know

My hands shake as I finish typing up the report for Janine. She wanted it written up as soon as soon as we came back and told her that we think we've found Jones' hideout.

Of course, Tom and I both had the idea of seeking Jones out then and there, but after taking a moment to consider the situation, we decided not to. Even though I was no longer sweating buckets from stifling heat that only seem to have affected me, Tom noticed that I was sickly and weak. And we had no weapons on us besides a few small knives since we didn't want to appear threatening to the scientists. Not to mention Sam has been spacey ever since he heard about Frances, Alice's sister.

Alice's sister.

I tried to see if he maybe wanted to talk about it once we got back to Mor, but he simply shook his head, an odd look in his eyes. I wasn't going to push, not when he has been kind enough to respect my privacy more times than I can count. It wouldn't be right to try to get him to speak when he's not ready, even when it hurts that he's pushing me away.

Although honestly, I'm not sure I want to know about the person Sam was crazy in love with before me, or her sister that has apparently been here this whole time. I mean, it already is a bit weird knowing that I came in and took Alice's runner designation and then took her boyfriend too.

Maybe Frances was the reason that I felt the way I did about Dearg–drawn towards it but also fearful of it. The feelings of comfort came more from my runner's designation–my connection to the old Runner Fives of Abel, but it wasn't a connection to me personally, so my instinct was to be afraid.

That might be it.

My gut gnaws on itself, but I ignore it, tell myself that this must be it. It must be.

Because the other options–the other suggestible reasons... I don't want to think about them, even as they weigh down on my chest like heavy rocks and make my stomach churn.

But I've decided I will at least make myself useful by writing the report after getting our debrief. Janine should be getting that medicine that Frances gave us. She said it should slow it down, give Janine more time. Lord knows we need it. We need all the time we can get.

Just the thought makes me antsy, wanting to go out and get Jones right now, steal that control box from him, kill him, if we must. It's stupid, emotions overriding logic. With everything that's happened, we need the time to process, at least the day. Yet I still feel like I'm wasting time, like I should be out there doing something, like I should-

Go back to Dearg Island.

I grit my teeth and let out a groan of frustration, smacking my palm against my temple as if to hit the thought out of my head. No, no, no! I can't go back, not now. What good would it do? Frances already stated she can't go with us, and apparently dying is better than getting in there. Why do I still want to go when I know why I'm being drawn there? It's not even me! Frances is Alice's sister, not mine. We both may have been Abel Runner Five, but I'm not her.

I'm honestly glad I am so different than Alice. I've not heard much about her. When I came to Abel, things were tense. I was already an odd runner, being as young as I was and mute, but I heard bits and pieces about Alice. I'm nothing like her, not in terms of appearance or personality. I'm glad. Because since I was nothing like her, people didn't see me as just a replacement, and I made myself someone who couldn't be easily replaced.

Or at least, that's what I hope.

With the report done, I take it and place it into the little box we have set out for Janine when she wants a report of our runs. Normally these reports would be given to me, and I'd bring them to the farmhouse and place them in a little box just outside of Janine's office. Since she doesn't have one here, this box will have to do.