Fighting our demons together

Chapter 10

Carlos looked at his hands, they were shaking. He squeezed them hard until he felt his palms hurt, but it calmed him down enough to breathe hard.

He knew it was crazy and he still had time to call the whole thing off, he just had to talk to Owen and the two nurses who were in on it and tell them he had regrets or the truth, he could tell them he was scared and let it go.

He couldn't say that the idea had been the fault of alcohol because he hadn't had a beer in days. Nor could he say that it had been something like a transient insanity, because the whole hospital knew him, they knew that he was a sensible, calm man, even in spite of the circumstances that surrounded him. Whatever it was, maybe it was a good thing to forget everything and let it be.

But at the same time, he needed to do something for TK. He was watching him wither in that bed, each day a little more. His smile, which he could barely see, wasn't the same, his eyes never sparkled anymore and although he hadn't told him yet, Carlos knew he was losing hope of recovering and becoming himself again.

The doctors had been very clear, no leaving the hospital and no strong emotions, nothing that could startle TK and no strange foods.

It had been two-three weeks since TK had been in the hospital and from the bed he could barely see what was on the other side of the window. So after asking permission, Carlos thought a walk in the garden couldn't hurt anyone, but then the surprise had gotten a little out of hand.

"You've been standing here in the middle of the hallway for over two minutes." Owen's voice made him wince. "Plus you're pale, anyone would think they're taking TK back to the OR today rather than the date you've set up."

"I know, I'm terrified, I think of everything that could hurt him if things go wrong today and I just see myself as the one to blame for a relapse or a worsening of his situation. That I could never forgive myself for."

Owen put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it tightly, not losing his smile.

"You sound almost like a father." Charles furrowed his brow, not understanding what his father-in-law was referring to. "When you become a father, you fear that any of your actions might be dangerous to your children, that they might hurt them and when they are sick... when your child is sick or in the hospital all the problems get bigger and you think you are to blame for everything that happens to them."

"Am I being too parental to TK?"

Owen shook his head. "You're just worried about the most important person in your life and it shows that you love him very much and would do anything for him."

"Be honest, do you think today is a bad idea?"

"Leaving TK in that room, it's a bad idea. Visiting him every day and telling him that everything is going to be okay, that he needs to be patient, is a bad idea. Giving him a good day where he can forget, for a few hours the hell he's going through, is just giving him a joy."

"What if that makes him too tired, what if..."

Owen stepped in front of him, smiled patted him on the cheek.

"Nothing you do can be bad for TK. So get in there, the wheelchair is at the door, with a bright sign for a perfect appointment and remember the doctors recommendations. And by the way, TK doesn't know it but I've left his favorite sweatshirt in the closet and some jeans, it sure makes him feel a little more normal."

Carlos nodded, he was hysterical, but knowing that someone responsible and always logical like Owen was on his side and thought it was a good one, made him feel a little better.

It was true, the chair was by the door. He turned to the nurses' desk, one winked at him and the other gave him a thumbs up.

"Have a good day, my prince." The oldest of the nurses always called him that, mostly because it made him nervous and she loved to watch him blush.