Fighting our demons together

Chapter 7

Carlos curled up in a blanket. For mid-May, it was still cold at night, but he liked to hang out in the garden for a while and look at the stars as he had done so many times with TK. He liked to remember all the conversations he had had there with TK, the dreams they had created, a familiar, a life together, their future, snuggled up against each other, sheltering from the cold during the winter, giving each other warmth, always together, knowing...hoping they would always be together.

That garden was his personal refuge, where he let herself go, where he could feel sad and cry, where he feared things would go wrong. At home he smiled and cracked jokes, he was strong and took care of TK. His boyfriend said he was the champion of smiles because he always had the biggest one. It didn't matter how tired he was, how sad or angry with fate. The smile for TK was never missing.

But in the garden, while TK was resting, he could relax and let out all the fear.

The phone vibrated in his pocket, when he was with TK, at home he always took the sound off to not disturb his boyfriend who spent a good part of the day now sleeping.

He smiled when he saw Michelle's name. Since she had left to be with Iris in that mental clinic, they had barely seen each other, certainly not since the whole nightmare of TK's tumor had started and the few times, they had talked on the phone so far, they hadn't talked much.

"Carlos, honey. Sorry for the delay. I'm the worst friend in the world. I know."

"Yes, you are, but you're the best sister Iris could have."

"How are you? How's everything going?"

Carlos laughed sadly.

"What kind of mood are you in today?"

"I have time for you to tell me whatever you need. I'm in friend mode. That's why I was calling too, I was thinking of visiting you, I don't know if it's a good time... But if you need me, I'm there tomorrow."

"I always need you, girl, you know that. When you left, I lost a sister, but I didn't know how much I would miss you until I started going out in the garden at night, just to cry. I spend my days being strong, because... because TK needs me and because I can't put that weight on Owen after all he's been through himself. I'm strong and positive and I believe...I'm sure it's going to be okay. But when I sit here, with the blanket that has always covered TK and me... and he's not here because he's sleeping... and I want to run upstairs to check that he's still breathing, that the damn tumor isn't winning the war, that the surgery hasn't weakened him too much... then I realize that I need you by my side. My parents are doing so much, Judd and the others, everyone is doing so much. They bring us food every day, Matthew insists on doing our laundry because he says fresh, scented laundry will make us smile and Paul.... he cooks, he always cooks healthy things that he has seen on the internet that give TK strength to be well. But he also does it for me. Grace is teaching me to pray, can you believe it? I am praying. I who hated that god they say hates me for being gay and I hate him for making TK sick. But if he is so powerful, I can only pray to him to make him well, let him heal, and not take him away. He can't take him Michelle; he can't take him."

"I'll take that as an "I need you here ASAP" so I'm going to look at the first flight to Austin."

"What about Iris?"

"Can you believe the doctors have told me that I'm putting too much stress on her and that I should give her some space to recover in case she gets sick?" Carlos smiled and laughed as he wiped away the tears. That was the friend he knew, heavy with the people she loved. "So, on medical advice, I'm going to leave her alone for a few days and I'm going to burden you and above all, I'm going to be there to hug you."