Seep Into Me Slowly

[Chapter 02]

Tatiana couldn't for the life of her figure out how she managed to pronounce the words coherently enough for them to understand. She was crying hysterically while talking about her suffering, chest heaving up and down as if the walls decided to close in on her upon the heinous memories.

Her words jumbled up with her choked sobs, hands shaky as they pulled on the fabric of her dress helplessly, she recounted the previous horrors of the night she had to endure. Even going into details about how she begged -pleaded even- for him to stop, only it fell on deaf ears of her rapist, her ex-source of happines.

Moreover, she recounted how she tried pushing him away, fighting off his gigantic beastly form off her body; all ended up being nothing but futile efforts. In the end, she couldn't fight off the monster and he ended up winning. Pinning her against the frozen ground and taking her against her will, in midst of muffled screams, skin clawing, and broken sobs that turned eventually into whimpers.

Tatiana's father listened intently, keeping a stoic face throughout her heartbreaking story. Not even an ounce of sympathy or pity could be detected in his harsh features. He reacted as if he was told about the weather. That's how much unaffected he seemed by his daughter's hair-raising words.

She hoped, wished, he believed her, because why would she lie? Why would she fabricate this horrendous story? Exactly, she wouldn't. She was taken advantage of, taken against her might and she only needed the stone cold people in this house to believe her, to tell her it's going to be alright, that it wasn't her fault. Reassurance and understanding. That's all she seeked out. Was it too much to ask?

The devastating answer came crashing her last bits of remaining hope. Yes. Yes, it was too much to ask of those people who only mastered the looks of disgust upon their faces once she was finished. Her throat bobbed up in down in anticipation. What did he think? Most importantly, what was he about to do about it?

She couldn't live with herself acting as if nothing happened, going back to her normal life consisting of colorful rainbows and jolly butterflies. Because it doesn't anymore, life tinted her windows black now. All she could ever see was dark clouds that loomed around everywhere she went stubbornly, and heavy rain that refused to settle or give it a rest. She was stuck in a grisly storm for the remainder of her days, she thought depressingly.

"You know, for you to taint the name of this family with your disgusting actions; you're a disgrace" His voice boomed, taking her by surprise. She flinched at the harshness. His words stung deeply, especially after the gruesome night she'd suffered.

"B-but it-" She started only to be cut off with his hand suddenly raised in the air, a clear signal for her to keep quiet, so she bit her tongue the hardest she could muster, drawing out blood in the process and taped her mouth shut.

"Enough. I don't want to hear your excuses. I must think of a way to fix this before it blows out. Until then, you remain in your room, no visitors allowed but when your mother or one of your sisters bring in food". He spits hatefully, his mind ticking and turning in order to find a quick efficient solution to the horrendous ordeal thrown out at him on this god awful night.

"Moreover, dare speak to anyone of this, and I'll be sure you won't see your next birthday. Am I clear?" His thunderous voice caused the hairs on her back to stand in horror at his threat. She knew her father always kept his word, no matter how appalling it sounded, he wasn't kidding. He never did. The man hardly understood the meaning of a joke, let alone instigate one.

She nodded swiftly, indicating she understood, all she wished really was to be understood in return, but that unfortunately, wasn't happening anytime soon. When she got into her room, the first thing she did was lock the door, in vigilant fear and anxiousness that her attacker might burst through the wooden door, deciding for a second round of vile torture, maybe once wasn't enough. But it was for her. All it took was once and now she was damaged forever.

Once she was in the safe confines of her simple room, she allowed herself to fully break down. Knowing how stern of a man her father was, she was certain no matter what solution he'd come up with, it wouldn't end in her favor. It never could.

As the realization sunk in, she threw herself on her old bed, hugging her defeated form into herself. She sunk beneath the duvets and the words of her father repeated in her head nonstop like a broken record as she struggled with hot strangled tears.

This night wasn't supposed to end like this. The night she looked forward to, wasn't supposed to end up crushing her soul completely, leaving her to fend for her broken pieces alone.

She closed her eyes wishing sleep would come and finally let her mind rest for a bit. Deep down she knew, from this night forward, there could never be rest. She would never feel safe again. There wasn't anything to take back the nauseating events of this sickening night. Sleep lost its meaning as she held herself tighter, fear and despair spreading through her fragile heart. She wished she didn't see tomorrow.