Ruining Your Heart.

When the wind blows.

        She knew, looking up, that her sham of a relationship was over.

After she looks at the window she takes a seat on the park bench that is oh so conveniently placed directly in front of the town-home, across the street. Sitting there she begins to lose her nerve of coming home. Why did I even think that he might be waiting up for me? He has never showed me any soft hand. Well, I mean, he must have at some time. I did love him at some point. I cannot be crazy for thinking like this.

            As Savanna sits there she is virtually oblivious to the medium sized dog that has come to a rest on her feet. She is staring, as if she had been hypnotized just moments before, at the window. She sees the shadows pressed against each other that just screams intimacy. The type of intimacy that every girl, lady, woman craves. The type of slow soft caresses of the face and waist. The type of looks that make you smile at just the possibility of.

Savanna watches on. She is waiting until the girl leaves, but she can’t help but wonder why. Why has he wanted some sort of relationship with another woman while he had her. What did that girl have that she didn’t? Savanna is watching so intensely that se again fails to acknowledge the medium sized dog that was on her feet.

The dog has become alert to a sudden change in demeanor that Savanna had been projecting. She was completely neutral before now she is crying, silent sobs wrack her body. No one notices. Not a single passerby asks what he matter is. The dog jumps up on the bench and puts its head in Savanna’s lap to try to bring comfort.

Without thinking Savanna cards her fingers in the dog’s fur on the back of its neck and proceeds to pet.

Savanna sits there for a little while longer still staring when she notices an absence of figures as well as the light. Thinking that she has missed the woman leave she makes to stand up. When she does she finally seems to notice the dog and is taken aback about how close it is. She stands up abruptly and the dog doesn’t run away, actually it stays on the bench but looks at her with its head cocked to the side looking at her as if to say “What’s your deal? That was nice.”

As Savanna walks away she ignores the dogs pleas for attention and crosses the street and ascends the stairs to her townhome.

Once she gets up to her door she grabs her keys without listening for signs of her boyfriend Nathan being home and unlocks her door.

            Savanna throws her purse down and head for her bedroom looking for some refuge from the truth that she knows will stare into her soul if she enters the living room. She is still deeply engrossed in replaying what she has seen from her vantage point from across the street. She almost stumbling now; drunken with sorrow.

            Savanna is turning the knob when suddenly the sounds get turned back on. She hears the tale tell screeching and creaking of a bedroom dance for two. She knows that if she makes any noise he will try to cover it up. She decides with a stone cold resolve to play the victim role anyway. She turns the knob fully now, knowing her fate. She swings it open and by some stroke of luck the room is too dark for her poorly adjusted eyes for her to see what she already is positive of.

They don’t stop right away, it takes a couple of throat clearings and then a final “Um, excuse me.” For Nathan and the mystery girl to stop and pull apart as if they are ashamed.

            “Savy, what are you doing?” Nathan asks as if Savanna is in the wrong. Savanna succumbs to her role as she can feel the tears trickling down her now beet red cheeks in what one can only express as white hot anger and betrayal.

            “What am I doing? Really, you feel like you have the right to ask me, while you’re here screwing a random?” Savanna looks incredulously at Nathan, hoping that he’s kidding. With all of her luck dry for the night the answer is deemed no., he’s being completely serious. “ I thought I told you to stay out for a while. You remember what happened the last time you disobeyed me don’t you?” Nathan asks, better yet states.

            Drawing in on herself Savanna then remembers her role. Not the role that she has made for the moment, no, the one that has been decided by the middle aged god of a man standing in front of her terrifyingly beautiful. While Nathan is terrifyingly beautiful he is also an unyielding brute that lives for hurting others in the most intricate and intimate of ways. He will draw you in with his beautiful brown eyes, his luscious golden flowing hair and his sharp witted charm. He makes you feel loved, wanted, maybe even worthy if you are one of the lucky ones in putrid grace. He makes you feel like a magnified, gaudy, glamorous version of yourself. Deep down though he is nothing but a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

            Savanna knows that she should have known better, but she can’t help but think about that feeling. That feeling of being . . . her. She hasn’t been herself for a long time, and no maybe never.

            Nathan is coming at her now with a terrible glint in his eye, punctuated by his lack of clothing that immediately has Savanna running for the door. Screw this. Not tonight. Not ever again. I need to get out of here.

            “Get back here bitch. You deserve it. Take it like a woman!” Nathan rants as Savanna sprints away –just- out of his grasp.

            She is flying, like never before. Shit, shit, shit, what am I going to do? I can’t go back there. I have no money. I have no family. What can I- She’s falling, falling to the pavement below. Nathan is on top of her with some random pair of boxers, which Savanna belatedly remembers to have gotten him for his birthday one year a while ago. He is throwing his arms around her in a type of demented wrestling move while whispering menacingly in her ear.

            “What do you think you’re doing running away little girl. You know you can never escape me. Now, “He gets up while keeping her small wrists in his hands “-let’s go back inside dear, its clear that you’re not well.” With pleading eyes Savanna looks all around hoping for her knight in shining armor to come and rescue her. As usual though there is no one who meets her glance. Nathan picks her up ans starts to shove her back down the hallway that Savanna had just flown down.

            Savanna begns to thrash, trying to get awayt. She no longer cares about looking crazy, being locked in any phychiatry ward would be better than what’s about to happen to her if she gets shoved back into that forsaken apartment. She is thrashing so hard and on a mission that she doesn’t feel him losing his grip until she hears a “Hey, Hey- what are you doin’”. Broken out of her fight or flight mentality, Savanna breaks Nathans grip and bolts where she heard the strngers voice. Anyone is better than this fraud.