Me Versus Me

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

          I headed home trying not to think of what was probably waiting for me there. Ivan had said Marco was mad when he woke up and supposedly I wasn’t there. I still couldn’t understand that. I slept straight through the night so how could he have woken up with me not there? I tried to think of ways I might be able to distract him so he wouldn’t hit me. The only thing that ever worked was sex. God I didn’t want to do that but I’d prefer sex over being beaten into submission any day. I walked up and Ivan and Marco were sitting on the porch smoking pot. Oh thank God. Pot always calmed him down a bit but I knew he’d still be angry and try to hit me. Sometimes though, he was more amorous and easier to seduce if he was high, even when he was angry. Sometimes he was even a half decent lover when he was high. His eyes snapped to me as I walked up the driveway to the small beige house. Shit. He jumped up.

          “Where the fuck have you been? I was out at four in the fucking morning looking for you!” He yelled.

          “Baby I was probably just in the bathroom,” I said in a shy voice.

          “What do you think I’m stupid?” Don’t answer that, I had to tell myself. “I checked the fucking bathroom and you weren’t there! Where the fuck were you?”

          “Baby I swear I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I cried. He pulled his hand up and backhanded me into the little wall blocking off the porch from the lawn. I crumpled to the ground immediately wrapping my head in my arms to shelter myself.

          “Don’t lie to me! You were trying to leave weren’t you? You little bitch, don’t you know no one will ever love you like me? Who else would put up with your wimpy bullshit?”

          “I’m sorry! I wasn’t leaving I swear!” I shouted through my tears. Surprisingly, he didn’t hit me again.

          “You better not.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me on my feet. He hugged me tight to his chest, crushing my small body. I could barely breathe but I didn’t say anything afraid I might upset him again. “Don’t cry baby. You can make it up to me right now. Let’s go back to the bedroom. This shit Ivan gave me has got me so worked up.” I could feel his hard-on pressing into my thigh as he held me and I knew I was in for it. We went to the bedroom and he sat on the bed with his legs spread. He smiled and I started to crawl on the bed with him when he shook his head. I looked at him waiting for direction. “Get on your knees, baby. You need to be punished for sneaking out last night.” Oh God.

          “Baby please, I swear I won’t do it again. Please don’t make me do this.”

          “Don’t fucking talk back!” He reached out and grabbed my hair pulling me to my knees between his legs. I yelped and a tear rolled down my face. “Get to work,” he commanded. I sighed and unzipped his pants.

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          When Marco was finally satisfied he left me in the room to do my homework. As soon as he stepped out of the room I broke down. I didn't like crying in front of Marco, even though I did it all the time. When I first met him I'd found his fitness attractive but now I wished he was out of shape, that way his stamina wouldn't be too good and sex wouldn't last as long. I couldn't have hated my life any more than right now. I kept trying to get homework done looking for any possible escape from what I'd just experienced. I let my mind wander to thinking of Andre. There was something so damn sexy about him. I didn't usually go for bad boys since I was so unhappy with the one I already had, but Andre was different. I felt like I knew him a little. He wasn't your typical bad boy, but he was still sweet and funny. Jeez how did I get all of that from one conversation? What I really didn't get was why he had acted that way at my locker today. It was like he was mad at me for something. Was he upset that I'd tripped all over him? If he was, he was late and that would be unfair since I was prepared for him to be mad when it had just happened. After he’d said it was okay I’d let down my guard a bit. Maybe I'd imagined him calling me pretty. Maybe I was going crazy. I decided not to dwell on it. It wasn't important anyway since I was stuck with Marco for the rest of my life. Yay.