Living History

Memories

My teleport seems to take longer than it should, although I don't actually know where I teleported to. I squeeze my eyes shut against the tears that threaten. My heart is racing and my energy feels... wild. Like an uncontrollable animal.

Finally my feet touch solid surface. I open my eyes and see mostly greens and blues. There's a large lake in front of me, down in a valley surrounded by light forest. My heart aches at the sight of it. It's the backyard of the ranch that I used to go to, before Dai came along. When we were still out in the country. I glance behind me and see the ranch still standing, surrounded by all kinds of colorful flowers. Oh. Dai would have loved this place.

Suddenly my legs give out from underneath me, and before I know it, I'm lying facedown in the grass sobbing. My energy dies down, and with it comes a slew of emotions I can't even begin to comprehend. All I know is my body is sore, my mind is numb, and my heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest. Even if I didn't turn him, I'm sure he's furious. He'll probably kill me if he ever finds me. And if he doesn't - if I really... his trobah will come for me.

I don't know how long I was like that - long enough for my body's soreness to turn to a stiffness that takes a minute to recover from - but eventually I stand shakily and head toward the ranch house. The front door is locked, but the side window that I always used is still open. I climb inside and go immediately for the bed. Everything in here is exactly how I remember it. Tears prick my eyes again but I shake them away.

I sit down on the bed and pause for a moment before taking out the memories. The ones that had been locked up. They're all a jumbled mess, so I can't tell which ones came from which box, but it shouldn't matter either way. These are my memories. I should be able to recognize what each box's purpose was by the time I've looked through them all.

I put to the side the ones I've seen - from the box that locked up my Soul Mage memories. I should be a little more worried or anxious or excited about them, but I can't muster up enough energy to feel those things. I pick apart the remaining memories and arrange them in what I think is their proper order by their boxes. Since the last 3 were the same size, I'm relieved to find 3 topics that don't show up very often.

What I assume was in the second large box were my tests. Or, more accurately, the time between my tests when I was thinking about the tests. It took up a lot of my time, I realize as I swipe through each memory. I thought about them everywhere. At home, at work, on the way to and from work, while I was cleaning, while I was talking with my family or friends. There isn't a single person or place in my life that didn't show up in these memories. That makes sense, but... why are these locked up to begin with? And who locked them up? Worrying about the tests isn't necessarily something that needs to be hidden. If I figured they were coming back at some point, it would make sense for me to think about them, to try to figure out when and where, right?

Shaking my head, I look to the remaining 3 small piles. One of the memories' contents flash blue, and my heart jumps. Neela. Anyone but Neela. She's been my best friend for as long as I could remember. She was the only one who was there for me while I was in school, and after I'd been suspended due to lack of payments by my mother, she came to visit me at the park after work, and occasionally during work too. She'd seen me through all the different jobs I'd had, all of the different relationships I'd told her about with my family. She knew how much I loved Dai, and how heartbroken I was about the fact that my mother used that against me.

I'd also told her I was a Soul Mage.

It was a spur of the moment thing. It'd been dark, almost midnight, and we were out at our favorite park chasing each other. It was just a simple game of tag, but it'd been exhilarating and freeing. I hadn't laughed as much my whole life as I had that night. After we were done playing, we went to a nearby ice cream shop that was just closing its doors. We knew the owner, so we sometimes got free ice cream, and that'd been one of those times. And then, as we were walking home, I was struck by a sudden pang of loneliness. It didn't make sense, given how great everything had been that day, but it hit me nonetheless. I suddenly felt like I was going to lose her, and what scared me most about that thought was not ever being able to tell her about what I was. So I told her. She thought it was the coolest thing, and promised never to tell anybody. She didn't have magic at all, so I figured if anyone was safe from the probing and the tests, it would be her. After that night, I felt close to her in a way I'd never felt close with anyone. It was like I'd given a part of my own soul to her.