A Court of Lies and Secrets | ACOTAR fanfic [Girl x Girl]

The Journal

Warning- cuteness :D!

"I don't mean to be an inconvenience- I just don't want to be alone right now." Renae mumbles from beside me, both of us sprawled atop my bed which I had invited her to stay (as a friend) to comfort her. We haven't moved from our positions on the bed- staring at the plain wall before us.

It had been a few hours since the king ordered us to leave the premises and she hadn't stopped trembling from the king's disgusting actions until a few moments ago. If I'm honest, whenever I think about it in too much detail it causes me to flinch.

"I've already told you, it's no trouble."

"But you could be sleeping."

"No I couldn't- I'd be too worried about you." She blushes involuntarily and the faelight makes the tears above her cheeks sparkle.

"I'm sorry it ended like that." I mumble and try extremely hard to hold back tears of burning anger as I recall the details of Iagan's hands around her throat and Ginerva's sneer of disgust in her face.

"If I'm honest, I didn't expect anything less from them. If anything, I was a little disappointed by their reactions." She shrugs before turning to smile at me and I know she's joking. She'll deny it right up until her last breath, but she was frightened the whole time. We both were.

Another silent tear runs down her cheek and my heart aches from having no clue how to comfort her without if getting too uncomfortable and awkward. This mating bond is a curse, I can't reassure her without one or both of us wanting more.

I cringe as I reach behind my bedside, my fingers touch the familiar leather of the journal and I pull it out of its spot, gaining Renae's full attention.

"This is going to be fun." She smirks and shuffles closer so that practically every inch of our bodies touch.

I rest the book in my lap and mess with the cover. Is this worth it? I can feel her expecting eyes on my hands- on the book. All I have to do is open it up and a single glance will have her screaming in laughter- I cringe at the thought.

"Hey, you don't have to show me." Her friendly smile gives me enough confidence to slide the cover away- revealing the very first sketch. Her eyes slip away from mine and onto the book, inspecting every inch. No sign of humiliating laughter or a disgusted sneer.

She moves the book over slightly so it rests on both of us and flicks through every single sketch, running a finger over each one like I enjoy doing. The sensory feeling makes you feel as if you're in that exact moment. She does laugh, however, at the furious scribbles of her screaming in my face. We both find our arguments amusing.

Her finger hesitates slightly on the drawing of the bandstand and I gulp as the memory causes butterflies in my stomach to flutter like they did on that very day.

"Ali- this is.."I cringe preparing for her words of judgement.

I open my mouth to defend myself- realising just how strange it is for someone to draw their first kiss- I'm cut off before a sound can leave my mouth as her lips graze my own. Her hands follow afterward, cupping my face. It's a mix of desperation and relief.

My hands feel useless in my lap so I rest them on her shoulders and run them along her arms. My mind tries to interrupt the calming feeling with concerns about the mating bond but I push them all aside and vow to enjoy the moment and not ruin it like the scene drawn in the book against our laps.

Keeping my promise, I push the book away and straddle her lap, never ending the kiss. I try to embrace it all: the quickening pace of my heart, the gentle flutter of butterflies and the quiet moans escaping each of us.

Enjoy it all you want, she's still a female. My own voice echoes around my mind and I pull my face away from hers.

I give her a smile as to not concern her, giving her no hint that my own thoughts disagree with all of this. My heart aches for me to lean back into her but I remain straddled across her lap as her thumbs rub gentle circles around my waist- beneath my clothes.

She stares into my eyes and smile involuntarily.

"How come you have Illyrian wings if you're from Montesere?" You choose now to ask such a question? I mentally slap myself for the brilliant timing. She smirks as if she read that exact thought.

"My dad is Illyrian. My mum- isn't. I can summon wings whenever I need to, being only half Illyrian." That makes sense. Happy now that you ruined the moment for that worthless question?

You ruined nothing. Her voice is both lilting and raspy- even in my mind.

You heard that? She nods and tries to hide a smile. You didn't hear anything else did you?

She lowers her head, averting her eyes away from mine and toward her hands that still make their movements on my hips.

You mean when you stopped our kiss because I'm a female? It's fine, it's an adjustment for you. She says across the bond but her eyes still refuse to meet mine. I definitely ruined the moment- multiple times.

You said you didn't like females either.

I might've lied. I can feel the guilt, heavy in her thoughts. I move a hand from her shoulder and force her to face me- I can't stand her avoiding me, can't breathe without staring into her eyes.

I lean into her and do the only thing that can comfort us both- press my lips against hers in a slow movement that hopefully eases any discomfort before removing them. She doesn't let the space between our lips widen anymore before her hand snakes around the back of my neck and pulls me into her.

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