The Chord to my Heart

29: Truth Hurts

29: Truth Hurts

It wasn’t until I walked to my locker after my third period class that I noticed a change. As I made my way through the halls, other students stood by their lockers, hands cupped over their mouths as they whispered to each other with their gaze locked on me. And some held that look in their eyes. The same look I had forgotten ever since I moved to a new school filled with new people who didn’t know my secrets. I longed to keep my reality hidden away in a safe, way out of the reach from these people.

I had no idea what these people knew about me, or from where they heard it. Was there a rumor going around? Or did they know the truth? I was confused until I found the note taped to my locker.

slut, it read. you should’ve stayed away from mase. now the school knows about your loser mom.

And then it hit me. Yesterday in the art room. The person who slammed the door shut was Tracy. I should’ve known.

There were a million different thoughts running through my head, causing my brain to become this big blur. I held the note in my trembling fingers, unable to read the shaky words anymore.

All of a sudden the whispers got louder and I could feel their stares like pointy knives in my back and I couldn’t catch my breath. That’s when I felt a tap on my shoulder, and felt relief. I turned, hoping it was Mase or Scarlett that had found me. Instead, it was Ashley from English class.

“Oh my God, Lyla. I heard about your mom. I’m so sorry. I know her note said that you were the reason but I’m sure it wasn’t your fault…” she was saying, but I had to stop listening. Apparently Tracy added her own little details to the story.

I opened my mouth, wanting to say anything to get her to stop talking. I saw the thing I hated most so evident in her eyes: pity.

I mumbled a barely audible, “It’s okay,” before brushing past her. I focused on the exit door just at the end of the hall. Even as I rushed past others in the hallway, I still heard their whispers. I wanted to press my palms to my ears to stop from hearing the questions that I myself didn’t have the answers to. To stop from hearing the lies they circulated amongst themselves, lies about my mom that weren’t true. Just as I was about to reach the door, someone stepped in my way.

Tracy stood with a smirk on her face, her arms folded across her chest.

“How did you like my note?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

“Very funny,” I said, clenching my jaw.

“Oh, so you thought I was joking this whole time? Turns out, I wasn’t. Now the whole school knows about your mom,” she said, her smile widening. “And I added my own little personal touch to the story. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Screw you, Tracy. You have no idea what’s in store for you,” I said, images of her father and his young mistress coming to mind. My hands were balled into tight fists, her note lost somewhere in the tension.

“You’re no threat to me. Turns out you’re just as pathetic as your mommy,” she said. “Truth hurts, doesn’t it?”

And that’s when it happened. Something snapped. My heart was racing so fast I was sure it would explode in my chest. I could feel the blood boiling as it rushed through my veins. My arm pulled back as I aimed at that little smirk she so confidently wore on her face.

Just as I was letting go, I felt his arms around me. His breath was hot against my neck. “Hey, it’s okay. Calm down. I’m here now,” he whispered, over and over again.

And just like that, the anger escaped from my body through my fingertips and my hands went limp. His touch broke my spell of adrenaline. And Tracy just stood there, wide-eyed, knowing what was about to happen to her face. She took one step back, away from us, before rushing past us back down the hall.

The crowd that had gathered around us started to fade away now, the students leaving for class as the bell went off. Mase came to stand in front of me, his hands cupping my face.

“They know, Mase. They know about my mom and they think she did it because of me,” I said.  

“It doesn’t matter what they think. You know the truth. Hold on to that,” he said, running his thumb across my cheeks, trying to erase the tears.

“That’s just it. I don’t know the truth and I never will know because my mom never let me ask her why,” I said.

The little healing that did happen in the last six months was now severed again. Another open would. Another gaping hole. My insides were raw and on fire. Today, not only did it hurt to breathe, but it hurt to exist. So for the first time in months, I could relate to my mom. Is this how she felt? Constant suffocation? No relief? Our only difference was that I was letting people help get me out of the path of these crushing waves, while she let herself sink to the bottom. She let herself drown.

 author's note: this is a short chapter but i wanted to upload it anyway while i work on the next one. hoping i can keep getting these chapters written ever two-three days or so. that way you all aren't having to wait too long. please comment and vote!