31: Moving Backwards

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31: Moving Backwards

Today was the day. My eyes shot open before my alarm could go off. The familiar uneasy feeling was dead set in my stomach, not easing up or going away. I felt sick, knowing that what I was about to do at prom tonight could not be undone. Was I really going through with this?

A million thoughts were rushing in and out of my mind. Tracy's threats. Losing Mase. And then finding him again. The looks, the fingers pointing, the whispers. My classmates trying to make sense of my story, my reality.  Me trying to make sense of the same exact thing. I'd lost my mother to a bottle of prescription pills. And my father to a new family, a new life.

That's when I realized I wanted what Tracy had. I wanted a mother who wasn't sick and a father who didn't abandon me, no matter what was going on in his own life. The thought made my insides burn with envy and anger. Tracy might have gotten what she wanted up until now, but tonight, everything was about to change. Her life would have to change forever, just as mine did.

I got out of bed and headed straight for the shower. I would make the most out of this night. I wasn't going to let anyone or anything ruin for me. Any feelings of guilt had disappeared by then.

When I opened my bedroom door, there was a single red rose sitting on the ground with a note attached to it.

gone out with gabe, the note read. will pick you up at 6. can't wait to see you, beautiful ;) –mase

I smiled, reading the note again twice over. I held the rose up to my nose and smelled its fragrance. I couldn't wait to see Mase in his tux. Tonight would be perfect. I just knew it.

Once I'd showered I headed downstairs for a quick breakfast before I would meet up Scarlett to start getting ready. I ended up buying a new dress, jewelry, and shoes for the dance. When I walked into the kitchen with my dress in hand, Ruth's face lit up.

"Oh, honey, I can't wait to see you in that dress. It's beautiful," she said. As much as I wanted to not like Ruth, I had to appreciate the fact that she helped me pay for everything.

"Thanks, me too," I said. I set my things aside and made myself breakfast.

"So Mase wants you here and ready by six o'clock. He's putting together some surprise for you," she said.

"I'll be back by then. And I've told Scarlett to meet me at dinner with her date," I said. I felt a rush of excitement run through my body. But there were some slight nerves that caused my hands to tremble. I'd never been to a school dance before. Or any school activity for that matter. I didn't know what to expect.

"Okay, great. Do you need anything else, Lyla?" Ruth asked.

"No, you've done plenty. I've got enough cash for the rest of the night. But thank you," I said, giving her a small smile.

She reached over then, placing her hand on top of mine. "I didn't mean financially. I mean if you need anyone to talk to or need any advice. I know I'm not your mom, but I want  to be here for you," she said.

I imagined what my mom would do if she was here, watching me as I got ready to go to my junior prom. She'd always wanted me to be more involved in school and make more friends. I just always thought she needed me more. I never thought twice about ditching Friday night football games and the homecoming dance with friends to hang out with her instead. I never once regretted it though, till this day. The time I had with her was limited, and I'm glad I made the most of every moment.

"I didn't know Jayne, but I do know she'd be so proud of you, honey," Ruth said, giving my hand a squeeze. I could see her eyes filling with tears as I felt my own sting as well. Before I could let them fall though, I stood and got my things together.

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