Little Bird (Ed Sheeran)

Chapter 13 ~ Ed

    I know all this is really hard for her, I know the guilt in her eyes and the fear that she’s doing something wrong. Yes, I have insecurities about all this, sometimes I wonder if she really even feels like I do because it’s hard to tell when she’s not around, but then she looks me in the eyes and I know there’s no room for those questions. I see it in her eyes, strong and beautiful, I see love in her irises and I honestly don’t care if she never calls me when I’m abroad or if she’s not good at showing how she feels, her eyes tell me everything I need to know and I just can’t forget that.

I hold her tight because that’s all I need right now, to feel her against my body, closely pressed until there’s no room for air to pass between us. She hugs me back tightly hiding her face in my chest and breathing slowly. I want to ease her worries, I want her to know that things will be fine.

“Ed, may I ask you something?” she inquires, her face is still buried in my chest and I feel her fists gripping tightly my hoodie at my back.

“Anything you want,” I tell her, my hands going up and down on her back, stroking softly.

“Why do you like me? And please, don’t try to tell me I’m amazing or something like that. I know myself, I know what I am and what I am not,” she warns me and this time she looks up, her eyes boring into my skull.

“No you don’t,” I tell her and I see her offended expression. “You know who you are, but you’re too hard on you and you fail at seeing things about you that make you incredible. If I tell you that you’re funny, you’ll say that you’re not, that I’m only exaggerating. If I tell you that you have talent, you’ll say that it’s only practice. If I tell you that you’re sweet, you’ll say it’s because you’re in a good mood only and that you’re not sweet. If I tell you that you’re clever and witty you’ll only say that I’m exaggerating and that you’re dumb when you’re in fact not. You’re the fastest to recognise your flaws, and you’re the last one to recognise your virtues.”

“And that’s why you like me? Because I’m slow?” I know she’s only joking, but a part of her believes this so I shake my head.

“Nope. I like you because you are funny, talented, clever, witty, thoughtful, sweet, caring, stubborn, humble. Because you never believe me when I compliment you, which only encourages me to keep trying. Because you’re the first to laugh at yourself if you do something silly. Because you’re carefree and live your life without messing with others. Because you are you and I like you. Even more than that, Moni.” Her eyes are wide open, scared for what I’m going to say next but at the same time excited to hear the rest. “I love you,” I tell her, finally getting those words out of my mouth. The same words I’ve been holding back for many days already.

She tenses in my arms and I know she’s holding her breath, looking at me with shock in her brown eyes. I see incredulity in her look, disbelief and joy swirling in the chocolate sea, confusing her. Honestly, it’s hard to believe that she can’t understand why I love her when for me it’s so easy and simple. It’s just the way she makes me feel, the way she is and the way she looks at me with her big eyes, the way she feels in my arms when I’m holding her.

“I– I…” she mumbles and I wait, looking in her eyes, expecting for her to say it back. “I don’t– I don’t know if I– can I–” She swallows with difficulty and now I’m scared. I saw it, I saw in her eyes moments ago but what if I only saw what I wanted to see and she doesn’t love me back? “I– really like you, I care about you and I know you’re really important for me but I– I don’t know if I can love again. Not that way again.” I see her blinking a couple of times, quickly, and that makes me think that maybe she wants to keep the tears at bay because her voice sounds broken.