A Broken Love

Chapter 17: Emotion

2 days later

"It's nice out. You want to go to the park or something?" He asks.
"Oh, I'm exhausted. Maybe later?" She asks.
He was determined to tell her today. His mind kept going back to what Meredith had said to him.

Think about what you are trying to give up.

He had thought. He had thought for 2 days. Addison knew something was wrong but she didn't want to say anything to start any drama. He didn't want to tell her anything but he knew that if he wanted Meredith, he needed to break Addison's heart.

"Ice cream?" He asked, pulling out a tub of chocolate chip to eat his feelings hungrily.
"Yeah." She nods and placed two bowels down.
"2 scoops for you..." He smiled gently as he scooped.
"And 2 for you." She nodded as he placed a third in his bowl.
"I need more tonight." He shook his head and put the tub back in the fridge before sitting with her on the island.

As they ate silently as his mind wandered into an endless void of words and thoughts. He was trying to organize himself for her but every new second, Iris kept flashing to him.
"Addison, I want-" He said taking a sharp breath.
She glances up at him and nods, urging him to continue.
"I need..." He stopped as he forgot what he was going to say.

11 years and this woman had been his future. He remembered the time when he would have dreams about her, or he would kiss her passionately... without thinking of any other woman. Now, every second, his mind was burning with thoughts of Meredith. It was a fading memory now and he wanted it back.

"I don't want to hurt-" His jaws lock and he stares at her as the hair on the back of his neck stands up. His fingers tap against the marble counter and he sighs.

"What I'm trying to say is that-" He starts, feeling the heat sear his skin. He can almost feel the rays of glimmering sunlight shine on his back to shorten his breath. His chest tightens and starts squeezing his heart, making it hard to breathe.

Shoving a spoon of ice cream in his mouth, he feels himself relax and cool while she watches in confusion. He pushes more in his mouth and swallows nervously, feeling it chill down his throat.

"I've been trying to live without-" The gray in her eyes makes him freeze as Iris comes into his mind. Meredith was right, he would be ruining his child's life if he got divorced, not to mention his wife's. He couldn't put the combination of hurting Addison and Iris against the love of his life.

"You know what? I'm really tired. I'm going to bed." He mumbles as he stands up and places the bowl in the sink. Before he leaves the kitchen he places a gentle kiss on her lips.

5 days later

They lay motionless on the king-sized bed in the large master bathroom. Their chests rise and fall dramatically as they gasp for breath. Addison has a small bruise on her neck that is red and fresh. She rubs it in circles gently, smiling wide at how she got it. Her marriage was finally working. The conversation was great with Derek. The sex got better every time and the baby was actually fun to play with all day. Maybe they needed this, a few months with no work and just family time. He always had a smile on his face when they were together and she felt blissful. This was the happy ending to the two. They had a house with white picket fences, a pool, an incredible view and they had a baby. It was her dream come true.

"Addison, can we talk?" He asks softly as they lay motionless on the bed, trying to recover from their pleasured bodies. Blood courses through his veins, spreading his feeling of guilt to every part of him. His hands had been tangled deep in her hair and he had imagined her blonde tresses. His lips had given her a hickey as he imagined he was admiring Meredith's scent. His mind had conjured images of Meredith instead of his wife. The more they were together, the more he wished he was with Meredith.