As Red Light Strikes

***

She felt nauseous again and quickly got up not to throw up on her backpack. With her aching foot and spinny head she didn't get too far but emptied what was left in her stomach near by the water watching as the waves washed away the mess afterwards. Limping  a bit further she then leaned down to the water to wash her face and hands, the gross smell of puke almost making her throw up. She stood up, slowly as the world was spinning again and tried to look for Remy or even Carter but neither of them was close enough to note with her still a bit blurry vision. She sighed, trying to walk as well as she could back to their stuff ripping her back pack open. She fished for the water bottle and held it in her hand pondering if it was okay to wash off the bitter taste in her mouth.

Knowing the sun was shining bright and as for the current reality this could very well be the last clean water they had left. Sighing she still opened the lid and took a sip. Curling her mouth then spitting the water out, finishing the process with a small sip that she swallowed then putting away the water bottle. Her hand scratched the cover of her book and she felt the corners of her lips rise as she fished it out and smiled a full smile forgetting her surroundings for a moment. It was  her memory book. People would probably call it a diary, it sure was meant to be a diary but she had never had a reason to collect days. She collected memories. Opening the book she smiled at the bad handwriting of a kid who had been crying. A little girl sitting in her brand new bedroom, writing down words about how her mom was leaving her. Usually she avoided the page but taking in her circumstances she devoured the broken words one by one, finding sweet comfort in the normality of it all. The last few rows had smudged into a mess, probably as the plane floor had sinked into the water. She let her fingers run over the lost words still not really dwelling on them. She still knew exactly what six year old Aily had written.

'It is all Aiden's fault. I hate him and I hate her. I hate them all.' It had pained her from time to time but it had still been true. For the first month she had ignored all her mother's calls. The two first weeks not said a word to her dad or Angie. She remembered the night when she had woken up from her nightmare, panting unable to breathe as she was choking on her own cries and tears. Her father had been quickly on her side, holding her through it all, saved her from drowning in her own mind. He had held her and whispered, that she was okay, that she was safe, that her mother was okay, that she was safe, over and over again until she believed it. Time after time. Just like he had in the guest room for the three previous months when they had waited for a call from the hospital. She had finally been able to breathe and given in. Six year olds can not care for themselves. She was smart enough to know she needed him and deep down she had loved him.

She could admit now that she had blamed him for choosing Angie over her and her mother. Something that never had been implied but that she had made up in her little head. It had taken her time to accept Angie and in a way she loved Angie too. It was just hard to admit that the woman, who was not related to her in any way, wanted to be in her life more than her own mother did. That was how it had felt to her, through the years, a thought that she now saw exactly how unfair it was.

Sighing, she thought of Miss Wilsons pleading eyes and the fear behind them and all they had done for the poor woman was to leave her to die. She could feel the coldness spread over her form again and she noticed that she was shivering. The sun was still up in the sky and there was only a small breeze but it didn't help her to know that she should not have been freezing, the cold taking over her body was washing over her from the inside. It was all in her head. She had only lost a teacher, a teacher she hadn't even liked that much and her mother had lost her bestfriend's orphan son. Someone she had sworn to protect, someone who ought to have become a part of their little two man family. Her mom had lost Aiden.