Pride Isn't a Sin

Chapter 4

Jasper reads from a book as I walk into our classroom, what book I have no idea but it's a thick one. He doesn't speak as I sit down and pull out my homework, in fact it's almost like he's holding his breath.

"Sorry." I don't even bother looking at him.

"What?"

"I said sorry. I said some rude stuff to you."

"Oh, um well it's okay!" I can feel the brightness of his smile, but I dare not look at him.

"How was church? Which one do you go to?" I ask him, curiosity taking over.

"It was great! I go to the one on Peace street, lots of great people there! You?"

"It was," What was it? Scary? Good? Bad? "Helpful, I guess. I go to the one on Savage, a great community. I've heard good things about that one though."

"Father John! He's awesome, he's helped me a lot!"

"You know him?" I ask, gaining the confidence to finally look at him.

"Mhm! He's the one that convinced me to come out! Well, him and Father Anthony!"

Come out. . . What do I say to that? I still don't know how I feel about sexuality. It's still so weird, still feels bad. Wait, why am I even talking to this guy? I'm not being forced to so why do I actually like talking to him? No, I don't like it. I. . . I can't say hate though because that isn't true. Do I actually like talking to someone like him? Mom and Dad would kill me if they found out about that but it's true. I don't know if I like this feeling, should I explore it?

Riiiiing!

"Okay class let's go over homework!"

I search the large cafeteria for a table, holding my tray filled with pizza, fruit, and chocolate milk. My eyes land on Jasper, Chloe, and some other girl as I reluctantly decide to sit over there.

"Chris? You're seriously sitting over here?" Chloe asks me with a confused look, her blonde hair flopping to the side.

"Hey," Jasper's fingers tap against the table nervously.

"Hello!" The mystery girl waves brightly. Her brown eyes shine through her big round glasses, her nails painted blue to match her bright blue hair. Her clothes are patchy and bright, clearly hand sewn.

"Whose she?" I ask him. God, why did I have to sit over here? Eep! Sorry, I didn't mean to use your name in vain! I silently do the sign of the cross as an apology, sitting down as I shove a straw in my milk.

"This is my little sister, Zoey. Zoey, this is Chris. He's a," His words hover over the a, clearly not knowing our relationship. Frankly, I don't either. Friends? Enemies?

"We're friends." The words surprise me, my brain acting stupidly. "Kind of," I add as I look down.

"What happened to the homophobe I saw last Friday?" Chloe asks.

"Still here," I say, slightly embarrassed.

"But?" She asks, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know. I don't know what's happening with me, but I'm giving him a chance to change my mind I guess. I don't know. My brain isn't listening to me right now," I sigh, bringing a hand to my forehead.

Zoey, the girl with the weird hair, gives me a knowing smile. She doesn't say anything though.

"What?" I ask her, with a slight glare.

"Oh nothing, just follow your heart." Huh? What's that supposed to mean?

"You know, you shouldn't dye your hair. God made you how you look for a reason." I tell her, deciding to change the subject.

"And he's back to his annoying self," Chloe laughs.

"God wouldn't have made hair dye if he didn't want us to use it then," She laughs.

I sit up straight, thinking it over. "But-" Mom said hair dye was the devil's making, but that wouldn't make any sense if I think about it hard enough. "That- I didn't think about it that way." I cross my arms over my chest, looking at my feet.

"Wow, Zoey you are good! You actually managed to somewhat convince him of all people to change his beliefs!"

"Shut up!" I hiss. For some dumb reason though, that hiss changed into a laugh. Something I'm not really allowed to do at home, something I never even had wanted to do. But I like it, it's freeing. So, I keep laughing despite how Jasper and Chloe's eyes pop out of their sockets in surprise. The thought just makes me laugh more.

The bell rings, signaling it's time for fourth hour. We ended up having real conversations, without arguments. Jasper and I actually have a lot in common.

But, our religious beliefs don't align much at all. We touched on the topic a bit, and if anything his beliefs make more sense. Why do his sinner beliefs make more sense than Moms? Equality for all, versus discrimination based upon differed people. But we agreed with some stuff, just in different ways. Love thy neighbor, honor thy father and thy mother. Etcetera.

"Bye Jasper," I smile and wave. Something I never really do in school. "Bye Chloe, Zoey!"

"Bye," They say in unison, clearly confused.