ace • j. avery

xiii

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BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS, USA
February 26, 2009

" phone call "

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"Derek?"

The voice on the other end was a shaky one, and the words were slurred together. "Angelina. I—I'm sorry," his voice cracked.

She set down her duffle bag. "Derek? What's going on?"

Angelina heard a faint... sniffle? "I'm sorry Lina. I'm so sorry."

"Tell me what's going on."

"I couldn't do anything. She just— and then he— I— ...It was my fault. It was all my fault."

"You're going to need to explain better than that, love."

Derek drew a deep breath. "I— I have... had. I had this patient who had a simple aneurysm. I clipped it, it was all fine. And then— and then—"

"It's alright, Der, take your time."

"And then— she came back to the hospital, so soon. When I got there, she could barely breathe, and I called Addison to help me— because the patient was pregnant," if his voice cracked earlier, now, it just broke.

"Addie said that the baby was the issue so we ran tests and he— the baby was anemic. The patient was mirroring.

It turns out that the baby was in heart failure, so Addie wanted to deliver the baby, but I didn't think it was a good idea. The patient also said no. So I— I suggested an in utero blood transfusion that Addie disagreed with. I didn't listen to her. God, why didn't I listen to her?"

Angelina was up against the wall, her heart feeling heavy from Derek's story.

"She did the surgery flawlessly anyways though. As all ways. Addison is brilliant. I—I'm not. I should have just listened to her."

"You can't say that to yourself. You're a genius, impeccable, perfect. You're a neuro god, Derek. You—"

His mood turned sour in an instant, and his volume turned loud. "Angelina, no. You're not understanding! The patient couldn't speak because I nicked her artery. "

She flinched at the tone, before recollecting her thoughts in a trembling breath. "You didn't mean for that to happen. It wasn't your intention."

"That means nothing. We fixed her aphasia, but she was now preeclampsic. Her brain patch blew, and she died in surgery."

He had finished it with such an apathetic tone of voice, that it had hurt more somehow. His volume was softer, and the vulnerability Derek showed was such new territory, completely unheard of.

"I shouldn't have— I should've just—"

"Use your words, Derek."

"I punched Mark."

Preferably not those words, she thought. "... Why?"

"He just— He came up to me after the surgery and just— he said he's sleeping with Lexie."

"I—oh."

"I know I shouldn't've. I wish I could go back and—"

"Derek, Derek," Angelina interrupted, going off on a rant, "I respect you, I care about you, and I agree with you on wanting to turn back time. Trust me, I do. But you can't, darling. What's done is done, and I know, and so does everyone in that hospital knows that you tried and always try your damndest in that OR every single time. You cannot change your past, so stop beating yourself up over it in the present, and don't let it affect your future."

Derek scoffed. "What's done is done? Bullshit. You know what's done? You know what's done, Angelina? I took out her damn temporal lobe. I took out her damn frontal lobe. Her life? That's what's done. I punched Mark. My friendship with him? Done. My surgical career? Done. You're my best friend Angelina. I expected you to empathize with me, like you did before. Now you're just against me like everyone else. I guess that's done now too."

And he hung up. Ghost of tears burned her eyes ruthlessly. Their conversation was finished, and Angelina didn't know if it would even continue again.

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wc; 689

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heyy

words are little, feels are a lot

not sure if i like this chapter 😮‍💨

but looking on the brightside, we're all caught up in the rewrite, and every chapter here on out is completely new‼️‼️

ever yours,

ellie x