Graceless

Sept

-UNEDITED 19/10/15-14/05/16

VII

                  

He gave up... I didn't expect him to give up. But you spoke Grace. Exactly. I spoke and he gave up. He decided I was too messed up and he just bailed on me. Every one bails on me. I wouldn't be shocked if my parents died on purposed.

I let a shaky breath and stepped into the shower slowly. I concentrated on the hot water beating on my back. Everything is my fault. No it's not, Grace. It's my fault I spoke and freaked out the only person that cared.

Screw this. I turned the faucet off and dried my skin. You don't have to care either Grace. I checked my phone and saw a few missed calls from a number I didn't know. You don't care Grace. I breathed slowly. In and out. Harvesting all of the apathy I could, I held my breath and got dressed. My palms pressed against my thighs dangerously as I drank in my features off of the reflective devil.

I don't know myself, I don't know those green eyes, smeared carelessly with black eyeliner, neither those dark eyebrows which were arched with precise fierceness. Not the long black needles meeting past my shoulders nor the full rouge lips, pressed together in a tight line. I don't know myself.

I don't know this girl.

"My name is Grace," I blinked at the girl as her melodic voice ran through my ears causing me to shudder. "I like the colour grey and my favourite number is three." Her voice was like a song, it was perfect. Too perfect. She pronounced every syllable impeccably.

I am her, at least for tonight. I will be my own aversion.

I looked at myself in the eyes for a second more before walking out the door and into the darkness where I planned to find the girl I didn't know.

I was going to be her. I was going to walk like her, act like her. I was going to speak like her. Just for tonight. No, forever. You are her.

"Lena!" her voice was not pitchy and annoying when she shouted, "Lena!?"

I knocked on the door a couple of times before I heard a pair of footsteps.

"Who are you and wha—

The door swung open and it was a competition between her door and her mouth; which one could open the widest.

"Gracie?!" she gasped and I—I mean she—smirked at her.

"Close your mouth Lena," I tilted my head to the side "You'll catch flies. Now go get dressed, we have stuff to do."

She only shook her head and grinned at me, I smiled at her and walked into her apartment closing the door behind me. I glanced across at the couch and saw a guy sprawled off, the blue light from the television illuminating his figure. I gave Lena a questioning look and she just shrugged, her oversized t-shirt slipping off her shoulder a bit as she did so.

"Levi," she didn't shout but her voice was loud enough for him to fly up from the couch like an alert puppy "It's time for you to leave, I'm going out."

He tilted his head to the side and nodded slowly then his gaze landed on me, his eyes glowed in the blue light and he smiled at me. I shivered internal. You need to get over you irrational fear girl. Lena didn't even bother to introduce me to him. He's another fling I guess. She led me quietly to her bedroom and I breathed a sigh of relief when the door closed behind me.

She stood quietly, inspecting me. Eyes narrowed and calculating. The front door slammed shut and her shoulders hunched forward.

"What that hell happened to you Grace?" She breathed, not meeting my eyes.

I hesitated and bit my lip.

"He left," I didn't have to tell her who.

"Like, for good?" her eyes are golf balls.

"No," I bit my lip "He quit."