Let's Make It Random

Have you ever wondered?

Have you ever wondered about the what if's of your life?

What if there's someone from across the world looking at the moon at the same time as you?

What if there's someone thinking the same thought as you?

What if the your one true love is that stranger you came across on that random day?

What if your dreams were actually memories of your past life? Or those dreams were actually going to happen?

What if this is just one big dream?

I sometimes think of that.

I don't know if it's just nothing or what I'm feeling is actually true. It's because everytime I stare at the moon, I always want to reach out to it as if when I do it, I can hold somebody's hand too.

If it's just a coincedence that everytime I think of something, especially a sentence or a phrase and I just keep it to myself, the next day(s) I'd just randomly see it, posted on FB or written on a story. So how does that happen? It's even in the exact same stracture and the words were just the same.

Also, as a person who always avoid eye contact, and doesn't really care about anyone around me unless they talk to me. I always wondered of what if those people were actually important in my life and what if they can actually change me if I talk to them. (That won't happen anyway, I'm just a big piece of an introvert)

Being able to dream clear and detailed dreams also makes me wonder if those were actually memories. But yes I also have doubts about that because even I right now gets confused about my reality's memories and my dreams. However, there's just one thing that bothers me the most. I had dreams that came true. Like come on, think of having a dream when you were just 11-12 years old then have that dream come true when you were 16. Then having a dream about bomb attacks that like fireworks twice and then find out about the bombing in Israel. I know it's kind of just absurd, and I too don't really believe. But just, what if?!

And since we're already talking about dreams... I just thought of what if all of this is just a dream? That you just forgot to set your alarm and just had a long dream. That today is actually just the day before the COVID outbreak, and nothing is actually true. That you'll soon wake up because your (sometimes) annoying Mother would barge inside your room to wake you up, and then woosh! It's actually Mnday today and you're going to be late!!!

Well then again, I know that is just one wishful thinking, because I know everything is so real right now. All the pain, the emotions, the anxiety, the deaths, and the longing is REAL.

Furthermore, even though I loved most of my experience during quarantine, especially meeting alot of virtual friends, I just can't help think, of what if all this didn't happen? I may be laughing now on the hallways, exchanging jokes with my friends, teasing each other. I may have been busy again with all the extra curricular activities. It might have been a great time, wouldn't it? I just wish it may, I wished it might, but this wish I thought I know would never be granted.

So I just wondered... What if I didn't just thought of this in the first place? HAHAHA I wouldn't hope like this, would I?

It's actually painful to think of "what if's"

Maybe I should stop that?