12/02/2012
Dear Seth,
It's weird how one day can change everything. That one awful, gut wrenching moment can ruin everything.
I guess those are the moments that always do. The ones that catch you so off guard that you can't go back. That it change's you so deep within that nothing is ever going to be the same again.
The thing is Seth, I never saw it coming. But I never do, do I?
I guess that's when you would say,
'Yes Lila. You never see anything coming but that's why I love you, so innocent and blissfully unaware of what's around you but Lila that's just who you are.'
That's what you would say and I would feel reassured that it was just who I was. That I wasn't alone, that I had you to keep my world sane.
Now I don't.
And I've changed.
My friends can see it. They come round every day to check on how I'm doing, if I have eaten, if I'm sleeping. They ask me the same questions every time, even though my answer is always going to be 'no I haven't' or 'no I'm not okay.'
They keep coming anyway and I'm thankful for them. I'm thankful that they haven't given up on me even when I have. There's no hope for me but they keep trying. They keep coming.
All I can feel is hate and anger and loss. I hate myself Seth, I do. I know I shouldn't. I can't help but have this hole so deep inside of me filled with self-loathing, so big I can hardly see past it. My whole being is consumed with it, Seth. I can't see past it. I can't and I want to for you, for myself. I don't have you to reassure me that I'm strong anymore. I'm not strong, I'm not. I'm weak and alone. I'm not strong without you.
I just...
I miss you Seth.
Love always,
Lila.
YOU ARE READING
Somewhere Faraway
RandomThe story of us. These are a collection of letters from a girl named Lila to a boy named Seth. These letters are about her life and his, theirs, put together in fragments by letters of a life that was once theirs.
