The Ace-ing on the Cake : A Mlb Fanfic

Chapter 12 : Be mine

As twilight darkened into true night, Chat Noir's nerves deepened too. He left early for patrol, hoping that the exertion might help to tire him out. Unfortunately, it did little to ease his current state of mind. As the time for him to meet up with Ladybug neared, his heart began to race. He had no idea what he was going to say or do when he saw her; he only knew he couldn't keep going the way things were.

She was already waiting for him when he reached their usual spot, sitting on the edge of the roof with her legs dangling. Chat landed behind her and crept silently to her side, taking a seat beside her. As always, Paris looked stunning lit up with thousands of lights, but he couldn't find it in himself to enjoy the moment. His mouth was painfully dry and his hands were shaking.

"Hi," Ladybug said after a couple of minutes, finally breaking the silence.

"Hi," Chat said, equally quiet.

"How was your day?" she asked.

"Long," Chat replied without hesitating. "Very, very long." The photoshoot had been a disaster, not in the least because Adrien had struggled so much with keeping himself focused. By the end of it, his photographer had been thoroughly disgusted. He wasn't even sure if they'd gotten all the photos they needed. His father wouldn't be happy if another session had to be scheduled because of him, but it was what it was.

"That about sums it up." Ladybug sighed and tilted her head forward. Her pigtails slid off her shoulders, falling around her face and blocking it from view.

Somehow, it was a bit easier to speak when she couldn't see him. Chat moistened his lips and coughed. "U-um, Ladybug?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you be angry if I, err, I told you something? About myself?"

Ladybug's head turned and she stared at him with the most intense, scrutinizing look he had ever seen her give anyone. It felt like she could see straight down to his core with that one look. A chill ran down his spine, and Chat knew that he should look away – there were too many secrets that she might uncover. But he was helplessly caught in the depths of those blue eyes.

"I don't think I could be angry at you right now even if you detransformed or told me your name," Ladybug said after a moment. "I really don't deserve you, Chaton."

He blinked. "What?"

Ladybug just smiled. "What did you want to tell me?"

"I... I... I love you."

It was her turn to blink. Clearly, that wasn't what she was expecting – which was fair, because Chat hadn't known he was going to say that until it was out and there was no taking it back. He hadn't told her that for a long time now. Not since last time, when she'd cried while telling him that she couldn't return his feelings. More than anything, he hated making Ladybug cry.

Chat looked away. He had to. "I know I shouldn't say that... you don't like it. It makes you sad. And I know you're still in love with someone else. It might seem like I don't get that, but I do. I just..." He clenched his hand into a fist. "I wish that there was something I could do, you know? Something that would make you want to be mine..."

Another heavy silence fell between them, broken only by the sound of their breathing. Chat stared at a specific light in the distance until his eyes blurred. That was possibly the hardest part of this: knowing that no matter what he did, it was never enough. He was never good enough. He couldn't be. And it wasn't fair to put that on Ladybug, but he didn't know what else to do.

"But I know there's not," he said finally when the silence had dragged on for long. "That's why..."

"That's why?" Ladybug's voice was a whisper.

"I want you to be happy. So maybe it's good that you don't love me back," Chat said to the light. "I couldn't give you what you need. What you want."

"You don't know that," she said. Not angry, or even defensive, or curious, just... sad. Somehow, that was worse. He couldn't stop himself from twisting to see her.

So much of their partnership was built on non-verbal communication. They knew each other so well that a single look or movement of the body could communicate volumes. But right now, he couldn't read Ladybug at all. She had never looked at him like that before. Her body language wasn't closed off, but nor was she open or receptive to what he was saying. She was just... there. Watching. Waiting.

"Yeah, I do," Chat said with a bitter smile. "I'm asexual."

He let the word hang out there, waiting to see her reaction. He didn't even know if she would know what the word meant; two days ago, he hadn't. If she didn't, he wasn't sure that he could sit here and explain it to her. If she did, he was terrified of what she might say. Logically, he knew that Ladybug would not be deliberately cruel. But like everyone, she was sometimes careless with her words... and it would be too easy for her to unintentionally say the wrong thing.

Ladybug looked at him for several seconds, her eyes deep and dark, and then she said, "I'm gray-ace."

"You... what?" Chat's mouth fell open.

"Do you know what that means?" Ladybug wanted to know, pulling her legs up against her chest. She curled her toes over the edge of the roof, waiting to hear his answer.

Dumbly, Chat nodded. What were the chances that Marinette and Ladybug were both gray-asexual?

"I thought you might." She sighed and leaned her cheek on her knees, still staring at him. "I only figured it out recently. I never put much thought into it before, but I like having a label that fits me... even if it makes my life a lot harder."

"So you... sex?" Chat whispered.

"Maybe," she said, shrugging one shoulder. "It's not something that I really need... I mean, I still... you know..." Her cheeks pinked up and she lowered her voice. "Umm... touch myself sometimes. But with someone else? Meh. It's never been something my heart was set on."

"That's... wow." Chat didn't know what to say to that. This revelation had thrown him for a loop.

"So don't say that," Ladybug said. "That you can't give me what I want. Because sometimes I think you could better than everyone else. You love me... that's all I've ever wanted." Her shoulders slumped and she turned her head, now resting her forehead on her knees. "That boy I told you about? More and more, it seems that might never happen."

That should have been cause for celebration. But he could never bring himself to be happy about the pain in Ladybug's voice. Chat wanted to comfort her, but he wasn't sure that would be welcome. Because maybe she'd interpret it as an advance, and he definitely didn't want that. So he stayed where he was, confused but sympathetic, and waited for her to continue.

And eventually she did, with a small smile and a whisper that ground the world to a halt: "You're the ace-ing on the cake, mon minou."

Chat froze. It was like an invisible barrier cracked in that moment. Everything melted away, leaving him floundering for a few second, and then came back into razor-sharp focus just as quickly. For the first time, he felt like he could really see Ladybug. The dark hair, the blue eyes, the petite build. The passion for design, the loyalty to her friends, the delicate artist's hands. The strength, the kindness, the core of steel. He saw her, and he knew.

"I'm a real men-ace," he croaked.

Ladybug giggled wetly. "Yeah, you are."

"Marinette?" he added, because he had to be sure, and she turned to him with tear-bright eyes and another smile.

"Hi Chat."