insanity

13| trials and tribulation

128 days until his death
—
After a night of travel, I woke up in the cold, stone walls of the ravine. I slide my hand down the wall, this is really what we are condensed to.

It crazy how fast the world works, one day we were all living happily without a care in the world. Now everything we've worked so hard on for months and months.
We've been willing to fight until our dying breath, though I feel burnt out.
I had so much faith and confidence all those months ago during the war, and the past week truly diminished everything I had left inside of me— and all of that fight I once had.

I look around, completely surrounded by grey walls, with a orange hue from the lanterns.
Laying down on a blanket that sat on the hard, stone floor.

Before I set out last night I ditched the dress and found myself digging in the drawer that I retired my L'manberg uniform to after we had won.
Wearing only the pants, boots and undershirt. I could bare to wear that jacket in this time, it felt unfaithful. Instead I took a still long, but black coat. I had prepared a bag that had clothes for both Tommy and Wilbur to change into, so they could also ditch the uniform.

I spoke to Tubbo before I set out. We agreed he would be the spy on the inside. I promised him I would be back and continue to keep him safe, which is true— I couldn't bare leaving him alone with Schlatt. We would both stay in L'manberg to get intel then return to the ravine to convey the news, though Tubbo more than I as Schlatt trusted him more.

I'm very proud of Tubbo, he's really stepped up to his role, which I didn't expect him to do at his age. The poor terrified boy had stood tall, assuring everyone he was alright. All of yesterday was hard for him and I know that, though his life over all this time must've been traumatic to say the least.
—
I turn to look at Wilbur, he's sitting in the corner, fiddling with the blade of the knife I was holding last night. Bags collected under his eyes, just as they did during war. He must've not slept a single minute last night.

He was spiraling, that was obvious to the naked eye. He was out of all sorts, he didn't expect to lose, despite all the odds against us. Though he surely didn't expect exile.

I'm worried about him, he acted the same way he did back towards the end of the war. It was a dark time for him, dark and painful. If he had endured that for any longer then we did, he would've went out of his mind.

That's what I worried about.
What if Wilbur looses his head.
He's dealt with a lot, though much like everyone else, including myself, I'm not sure how much he can take.
Even the strongest of people have breaking point, and I'm sure this would be one of them.

I walked over to him from my spot on the cot.
His head tilted away from the blade as he heard my footsteps. I sit down and wrap my arms around him, giving him a hug.
He sets down the blade and returns the hug.

I try to configure some words to talk to him, without the obvious, 'how are you feeling?' because I know he's not feeling good.

He breaks my thought by starting first.
"We have sacrificed everything for L'manberg. We gave up friendships, we gave up alliances with the some of the most powerful people. Everything we earned in that sacrifice has been lost in one moment." With agony in his voice.

I break the hug and turn to make sure Tommy is still asleep, which he seems to be.
"What's done is done, alright? We've made choices that have revealed to be wrong. We can only move forward and pay attention to what's ahead."

He stays silent.
"I hate it to, okay. We have no other choice." I take a breath, trying to take the aggression out of my voice.
"Look, you have to see what's positive. All of us are safe, we have shelter. We have each other, Will. Things could've turn a lot worse and you know that." Trying to calm myself as well as him.

"It's just— This wasn't how it was meant to happen. This isn't our story. It can't be." His head meeting his hands.
"We could've done so much more."

This is what I'm worried about— this cannot happen now. I need him here, the real him.
"Wilbur, I need you to promise me." I look at him, my hand out, extending my pinkie to him.
"Promise me you won't spiral like you back then, promise me you will stand strong till the end and you won't fold."

His expression turning from tense to soft.
I watch as he thinks for a second, so he could really stay true to his word.
"I'm a slow burning fuse, I'm a long slow burning fuse. I'm telling you now, over the next couple months, I'm gonna be a different man than the one that J.Schlatt crossed. I can feel it." He let out.
Though I already knew this.
I knew it was coming regardless of what I asked him, I expect it.

I'm sure I'll be a very different person on the other end of this, so I can expect him to be as well. I don't know what kind of person, good or bad— time will tell.
I nod to him, showing him that anything he can offer to me as a promise is good enough in this time.

He smiles, wrapping pinkie around mine.
"We've got some work to do then." I stand up, extending my arm once more to help him up.

We only have so much time, before all the fuse burns out.

Waking up Tommy as we set out on a mission.

With one last glimpse of hope, we set off to start our new chapter. The one where we settle for every chance we get.

This is the one where we take back what was ours and make our new story.
Leaving all the rules behind.

Knowing there is one thing that we can get that will shift the odds.
One person that we can get on our side to train us and work beside us.

That person is— The Blade.