Dream House

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We were finally able to get the house we waited weeks for. It took a few years to get to where we are and it took a lot of hardwork and hours for us to be able to pay for our dream house.

It wasn't exactly our dream house just yet, it was just the perfect location. It was the house we will start our life together in. We were in our mid 20s when started planning what our dream house was going to look like. Now we were in our 30s and finally taking our first step to start the process of achieving our goal.

We had a civil wedding, my husband and I had a small group of people we were close to, so it was a pretty simple day. It was definitely memorable and one of the best days of my life.

I was unable to give my husband a child, but he didn't love me any less and it made us work harder for our future. It gave us more time together and we had more adventures to go on. We were excited!

My husband was great with his hands, he had this hidden talent all his life but only build on his free time. I could see the excitement in his eyes when we first started designing our first vision of what the house would look like and I still see the same fire in his eyes as we got to renovating our humble home. We slept and lived in our van for months while our dream home was coming to life. My favorite was the little details that made our home, ours. Knowing that we both spent time making the furnitures ourselves makes it so much worth it in the end.

We were so close. We were so close to finishing when my husband collapsed suddenly in the middle of the day. I rushed him to the hospital and they ran tests after tests. It was the start of a rough couple years for us. It was so unexpected, my husband was healthy. He ate well and exercises regularly. Even after his first chemotherapy and treatments, he was stil going strong. We thought it was going to be okay.

We put our dream home on hold and we moved in. We still have a few parts of the house left to work on but we needed to focus on his treatments. With all the renovation, we didn't have a lot of extra funds to use.

Things were going good. Eventually, we managed to get by and three years had passed and we were living a beautiful life together. We were living in our dream home and we were going on mini adventures in our van and life couldn't be better.

Before I knew it, he was gone. Complications came up and we were in and out of the hospital. He was gone too soon. Right before his 40th birthday, my sweet darling was laid to rest. It was hard.

It took me weeks... months to pick up the clothes he left on the floor. He had a habit of not picking up after himself. It took me forever to pick up the toothpaste at the side of the sink. We had similar toothbrushes but he always left his beside the sink. It took me forever to change the sheets. The sheets that my husband laid in. I could still smell him. His scent still lingered as I embraced the covers. It was hard to look at our house. The home we built together.

I could see him everywhere, I could still hear his voice. I can feel his breath behind my ear as he embrace me from behind, pressing my back against his warm body. I can still hear him singing in the shower and hitting something as he danced in the kitchen. His shoes are still by the front door. The blanlet he uses when he naps on the couch was still on the couch unfolded. The snacks he hid in the pantry was still there. The watch he treasured so much sat on our dresser and the carpet we won at an auction was still in one corner of the living room, waiting to be opened. He was so excited to open it. The coffee cup he used on the day he passed was still on the little table we set up by the window. He loved watching the sun rise. He loved the sun. He loved life. He loves watching the birds migrate, he loves sandwiches and bagels. He loves donuts with cream fillings and he loves his coffee black. He drank it without sugar or cream.

He loves reading books before bed and he loves rubbing his feet on my legs right before bed. He enjoys movie nights with popcorn and chocolates, he really loves lemonade and he enjoys buying gifts for me. He had a way of showing his love without saying it. He was a quiet man around others but he always had stories after stories whenever he comes back home to me.

I can still feel his presence around me. He was gone too soon and I can't follow. And it hurts. But it brings me comfort that, I will forever have a piece of him left. This home we built together. The chair he made himself and the counter that he designed himself.

It will take a while and that's okay. I walked into the closet filled with his things. Clothes and the mess he made still the way they were, I climb into his closet and hug his shirts. His scent engulfed me and I fall asleep.

I wish this was all a bad dream. I hope that when I wake up, I'll be in his arms again. Because this house isn't my home, he was my home all along and now I'm homeless without him.

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