Sweet Obsession - H.S

01│Little Black Dress

5th April 2013

Occasionally, I'll allow my mind to wander. More often than not, I'll find myself pondering over the possibility if he thinks of me regularly. And if so, what about me does he wonder?

Tonight is going to be one of those nights that will forever feel so surreal that you can't quite believe it happened. Those kinds of memories occur when you're so unbelievably happy that all else is so irrelevant. I'm ever so thankful to have so many of these memories. But then there's the other kind, which maybe could be from such a shocking occurrence that the sheer impact makes what has happened utterly unbelievable, even years after said memory has taken place.

Even if I have a good time tonight, something is telling me that it'll undoubtedly be the latter.

Just the simple idea of being in the same room as him again has far surpassed the definition of unusual. Especially with the added bonus of knowing everything that has occurred since the last time we spoke. Because even if that room is filled with thousands of other people - which it will be - he will be the only thing to have ever mattered.

The world around us could be set alight and my only disposition would be to make sure he wouldn't get burned. The world around us could completely collapse til the point of smoke clouding absolutely everything, and my focus would be finding anything salvageable to help him rebuild a home. The world around us could simply fall away beneath us and my only wish would be to be with him as we fall to the impending doom. 

I despise myself for feeling like that, I truly do because I know he would never do such things for me. And for that reason alone, my stomach is in knots because within a few hours, I actually get to see him again.

Whether he sees me, is another story.

Still, it'll be something that I'll look back on years from now with furrowed eyebrows, reminiscing on this anxious feeling, most likely laughing at how childish I'm being. I know it's childish, but truthfully, I'm not even certain I'm ready to see him again.

Even though seeing him is all I'd be doing. The probability of anything more than that happening, is next to nothing. Frankly, I find that thought quite relieving. Thinking about it almost has the same effect of being out in the heat all day and finally going into the cool shade.

"Do you think we'll see Haz?" I can hear the optimism in Sophie's bubbly voice as it drifts through the walls. A sullen smile plays on my mauve coloured lips as I avert my eyes from the mirror and down to the dainty silver chain that hangs low around my neck, holding a small ring - slightly too large for any of my own fingers.

Even if it were to fit, I'm not one to wear rings. So on a chain around my neck is where it resides. It's something I always find myself reaching to put on, and when I'm not wearing it, I find my fingertips going to reach for something that's not there and it leaves me with a sense of incompleteness because it's undeniably my most prized possession and possibly the one thing I can't live without.

It's a very effortless ring, in which could easily be described as basic, or boring, or bland. To me, however, it could not be more beautiful. It's a simple silver band and in the centre it holds a square cut ruby stone. To me, it's quite ironic that of all the things it could home, it's got a red ruby - yet no one else quite understands the irony.

Maybe one other person might.

Perhaps that's why he gifted me this one, instead of another.

He assured me he wouldn't miss it because it's just a ring and he knew it'd be in good hands - couldn't be more mocking that I don't even wear it on my hands but rather around my neck. Still, the sentiment behind his words meant something - even if that's not how I saw it.