Sneaking in the dark (student/teacher relationship)

Chapter 5.2

Copyright © 2012 Kamilla

All rights reserved.

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Chapter 5.2

My knees were trying to give in, wobbling like crazy as if they hadn't been used in ages. For a moment I regretted using my favourite ankle boots, of course I had been stupid enough to use them today! They are really good looking, black and go all the way up to my knees, but they are also really difficult to walk in.

I have gotten used to them by now, seeing as I have had them since my last birthday, but when my knees were shaking violently like this, it didn't matter if I was good at using these shoes or not. I just prayed that I wouldn't stumble and fall flat on my face, lying sprawled out onto the floor as a starfish.

What was I so afraid of? It's just my class with Michael, like any other I've had my whole school year. But after last night where I totally ignored him, I was literally shaking in my shoes out of fear. Will he be upset? Maybe angry or sad? Either way, I know I won't be able to handle it.  

Stupid feelings, stupid school! For a short second, a very short second, I regretted falling in love with Michael. All the trouble, secretes and hiding coming along with our relationship is making me crazy. Keeping my relationship secret for my best friends, even my own mother and all the people who is close to me is slowly driving me into insanity.

But, all the good moments makes up for the bad ones. Me giving my virginity to him, him telling that he loves me, our trip to the sea with his boat on Valentine's Day. All that is keeping us together, how great we have it in each other's company, and how much we actually love each other.

Gathering courage, I forced myself to open the door and step inside. It all will be okay, it always does. Just suck it up, Anna. I told myself, and felt a little better afterwards. The class was missing some people, but mostly everybody sat in their seat and Michael stood in front of them all. He didn't do anything, just looked through some papers with a deep frown on his face, probably some new adjusting things he must fix.

He always complains about them. Nobody looked up or at me when I walked to my seat, not even Michael, he was too absorbed with the papers. It felt nice to not being looked at; usually when I come late people stare with their burning gazes all the time. They must have gotten used to me always coming late, it's a bad habit, and just as bad to stop.  

The last people came into class and Michael started up the class with clasping his hands together, so that we all became quiet and found or seat. His eyes found mine and he gave me a long, indescribable stare. I couldn't quite set my finger on what he had meant by that look, it was totally unknown for me.

"Let's start up with what we did last class, Jonas, can you read the text?''

I spaced out at the moment he started talking, and somehow my eyes found the window and settled down there. Nothing was right now, he was angry with me? It had to be that, he always asks me to read out loud, because he knows how much I love it. Note the sarcasm. I frowned, before smoothing my face out, just so he wouldn't see it.

It can be nothing, but at the same time it can mean everything. He is just so freaking mysterious, I never know what he is thinking, but he always knows what I am thinking. Is that a bad sign? Should I know more about him, know him so well that I can tell what he is thinking just by how he is acting.

I know his favourite colour is dark blue; he loves spaghetti as dinner and will never get a dog because one attacked him when he was a child. That is enough, right? I can name a whole lot more, but that will take hours, that have to mean that we are pretty close. It's just his way of acting! It is impossible to understand.

The class finished slowly, and I was pretty grateful when it did. As if on cue he looked up and his gaze locked with mine, just when I stood up from my seat. I raised my eyebrows questioningly, knowing he would recognize our secret sign.

He shook his head slightly before looking down onto his paper. I froze. Tears tried to make their way into my eyes; they were tears of shock, but most off all, hurt. Wow, I'm such an emotional breakdown lately. 

How just his body language could make me react like this, is beyond my imagination, but it certainly did make me crash down. Like a pathetic paper airplane in a room without any air, just like that, hitting the bottom with a big, silent crash.  

I knew it. It all was just a big mess right now. Frustrated, I stormed out from the classroom as if the devil was after me, making sure that the door hit the frames with a loud thud. Loudly protests from whoever had been behind me could be heard all from where I was walking.

This was just not right! He shouldn't be acting childish by something little as this. Yes! I had ignored him a little, so what? Can't he just suck it up and talk to me, instead off breaking my spirit in this way.

Should I walk back and confront him? My walking came to a halter, before picking itself up again. No, I can't do that; he has a new class soon.

As I was walking pass Cameron's big group off friend, I could hear her faintly calls after me, my name was being said by several persons. Even Amanda called out after me, but I ignored them all and just kept on walking in a furiously pace down the hallway towards the entrance.

Forget it all! I want out of this place, I can't stand it. Strangely, the hallway always seem so much longer when I try to get away from it, like now, it felt like I never would arrive at the entrance. And the sounds off faint stiletto shoes racing after me, made me walk a lot faster.

No doubt that it will be Cameron, maybe even Mini or Victoria. I picked up my pace a little, almost breaking into a run, but not with these stupid shoes I couldn't. How dumb I must look like right now. My face probably shows all the betrayal I've been through, maybe a little anger. Because, the anger was truly burning me up, it consumed my body and drowned it into the dark sea off pure rage.

I pushed the people who came into my path hard away; some of them stumbled and almost fell. And the boldest of them threw me an angry remark, muttering something like bitch or drama queen.

They don't understand anything at all! Everything is just so messed up right now; just one glance with disproval from Michael and everything will be coming crashing down. He has this weird power over me, one that makes me vulnerable and easily to break. 

Why have I changed so much? Is it all because of Michael love, or is something seriously wrong with me? Anyway, I definitely needed to check this up, maybe talk with someone, and just get all this stress out. The cold air hit my arms that were bare and made goosebumps appear on it.

Dark clouds now covered the sun that had been shining this morning. I couldn't even spot a blue speck on the sky, just grey, boring clouds. Huh, the weather fit my mood though. It was possible to smell the bad weather coming in over the town; the air was vibrating with electricity that soon would be released.

A message on the radio from this morning played itself in my head, the weather people were predicting really bad weather today and maybe even tomorrow. Perfect.

Footsteps came from behind me, they stopped a few meters maybe from me, but I didn't turn around. I had no curiosity to know who it was; the person could be the principal for what all I cared. Heck, it can be Britney Spears and I won't care.  

"I know,'' my goosebumps appeared again, just this time by dread.    

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Sorry for the incredibly long wait! Thank you for reading my story!