Alice's Nightmares

Wonderland

I awoke breathing hard. My hands were shaking, and my face was pale. I turned on the lamp resting on my bedside table. Staring wide eyed at my ceiling, I tried to calm my breathing. My older sister groaned as she rolled over in her bed to face me.

"Turn it off." She slurred still half asleep. I pleaded with my eyes, and she quickly got the message.

"Fine. You can tell me." I propped myself up on my elbow preparing to start my long tale.

"Margaret, it's unbelievable. Everything there is so tangible. It's like I've been there before."

"Alice, quit your rambling. It was just a dream." She glared at me, her lips in a thin line. "Turn off the light. Now." 

She rolled back around to face the wall. I sighed and reluctantly turned off the lamp. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep again tonight. I continued to play images of the strange place I visit every night in my dreams in my head. The charming man dressed in a waistcoat, the wretched queen constantly searching for me, the mysterious man whose smile shines as bright as the moon. 

 If only Father were still here. He would understand. He always did. 

My father was a strange man so people say. He was always coming up with different ideas that in most eyes, were impossible. Sadly my mother was one of those people. She would always roll her eyes and shake her head disappointedly. I was enthralled in his ideas as a child. Then one day he didn't come home from the mills. Now he's gone and everyone thinks he's abandoned us. I know he would never abandon us; it would place such a dishonor to our family name. I used to search for him, but soon found it no use. I miss him everyday when I wake, and every night I have to return to wonderland.

Walking through town, people whisper about me. They call me a freak. They call my father a freak and a sorry excuse of a father. I've learned to ignore them. I've learned to blend into the walls and slowly become invisible. I daydream constantly of Wonderland and the people who live there. I daydream of my dearest friend; a small, frail looking girl easily compared to a mouse but inside is a noble warrior. In Wonderland, I'm accepted. I brush a tear away as I silently walk to the bakery.

When I was a child, I'd have countless arguments with my teachers about the drink that makes you shrink, and the cake that makes you grow. They'd shout in my face there is no such thing and that I was a fool to think there was. I've learned to keep my dream telling inside my home, if anywhere. As I got older, people changed and became less accepting of me. That is when the rules of invisibility played in. I never say a word to anyone, I cause no attention to myself, and I stay hidden where no one looks. The only thing that keeps me standing out ever so slightly, is my looks. My skin is ghostly pale in contrast to my big blue eyes and long golden locks. People used to stare, and whisper amongst themselves, but now for the most part everyone knows me and doesn't pay any attention.

I have daily tasks I attend to, though I long to get an education at a university. Girls aren't allowed at universities. Instead, we are plucked from school and taught to be mothers and wives. These are important skills, but so is self reliance. An education provides self reliance and so much more. My father believed one day women would have equal rights to men. My mother thought he was preposterous and just assumed this was the way things would always be. 

I finished my things in town and returned home to clean. When I arrived at the house, Margaret was working on polishing, and my mother was working on needlepoint. I put away the bread and fresh fruit I had picked up in town, before grabbing a rag and bucket of soapy water. Today was my turn to scrub. I started with the kitchen table and chairs. Then the stairs and banister. Next door knobs and the bathroom. Finally a good scrub to the baseboards. By the time I finished my neck and back were screaming and I was exhausted. The worst part? This was my life and one day I'd have to do it all. After dinner, I went straight to bed. I was hesitant to fall asleep afraid of what the night had in store for me, but my eyelids were heavy and soon I was fast asleep.