Therapy-- Bucky Barnes

Chapter 4

The next few sessions with Alexandra had gone extremely well for Bucky. He still hadn't truly opened up about his past, but he was happier. He was excited to see Alex. Their conversations were more casual than anything else, something Bucky was really grateful for. 

Every time he went, it felt like going to meet with a friend. 

That was something Bucky had struggled with over the last few months, since Steve left. Bucky felt like he was stuck in the past, and without Steve by his side, it felt like there was no hope, but Alex made him realize that although Steve was gone, he could still do so much with his life. 

Alex made Bucky feel like he deserved a life.

But there were a few times where Alex was hiding something. Now Bucky can't really say anything, he was hiding a lot too. But it made him feel a little uneasy. He wanted to get to know Alex, but she wouldn't tell him any details about her life until her time in the army. 

She wouldn't tell him anything about her parents, if she had siblings, her friends. Anything from her childhood she kept bottled up. But Bucky still wanted to get to know her as much as possible. 

So he was back in the waiting room for the 8th time.

"Bucky Barnes?"

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"So how have you been, Bucky?" Alex asked. Although their conversations were quite casual and relaxed, she still had a job to do, which meant repetitive, easy questions to track Bucky's progress. Although, she was feeling extremely happy with the results from the last few weeks.

"I've been pretty good." He replied simply. 

"That's good, that's good... How did you sleep last night?" She asked.

Bucky opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it.

"So I'll take that as a not good-"

"I didn't say anything!"

"You hesitated, Bucky. It was obvious you were thinking about lying. So, may I ask,  what was the nightmare about?"

"Uh... it wasn't that bad."

"I'm gonna need more than that, Bucky-"

"Yeah yeah, I know... It was one where I-, I killed... my friends."

Alex made an 'o' shape with her mouth. He had had this sort of nightmare before, she just had to figure out how bad it was.

"Okay... was it, Steve? Or Sam or Yori-"

"Yea.. Steve."

"Okay..." Alex breathed out. Bucky had told her about the time he nearly killed Steve. Alex really felt bad for Bucky. 

"But it seemed so real, it was nearly the same as what actually happened. I hurt Steve. I nearly killed him-"

"But you didn't-"

"That's not the point, Alex! I nearly killed my best friend, what else could I do! I'm dangerous-"

"But you're not longer the Winter Soldier, so that can't happen."

Bucky sighed, but he was still a little worked up.

"I still feel him." He said quietly. 

Alex looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"The Winter Soldier. He's still a part of me. Ayo, Shuri, all of them, they got the words out of my head. But that was it. I still feel like the Winter Soldier. All those horrible things I did, I did them, and it-"

Alex interrupted Bucky before he could go any further.

"Bucky, you know that's not true. The Winter Soldier used to be you, yes. But not anymore. It was your body, not your mind. You didn't have a choice, okay. Hey, listen to me." Alex looked Bucky in the eyes to make sure he was listening.
"You're Bucky. You aren't the Winter Soldier. You have a life outside of being an 'ex-assassin', you have friends. You have Sam, you have Sharon, you have Yori," Alex leaned closer to him.

"You have me."

Bucky and Alex gazed into each others eyes for a while. It wasn't an uncomfortable amount of time, it didn't feel awkward at all. But all Alex was thinking was Why tf did I just say that oh god.

The silence was broken by Bucky's phone buzzing. 

"Oh, sorry! I thought it was on sil-..." Bucky went to hang up, but he stared at the name of the caller for a second, obviously contemplating whether he should answer. 
"I'm sorry, I have to take this." Bucky quickly says as he stands up and walks towards the door, and eventually out of the room. Alex was still thinking Why tf did I just say that oh god.

Alex could faintly hear the name 'Walker'. Bucky had said a few things about the new Cap. They weren't good things either. By hearing Bucky's tone of voice, Alex knew it was a serious problem.

After a minute or two, Bucky came back into the room.

"I'm sorry, I have to go, it's Walker, he's been-"

"Bucky, I don't need an explanation. Go."

Bucky mouthed a thank you before quickly walking away. But he stopped in his tracks, turning back towards Alex.

"I just need to ask you one thing."

"Yeah?"

"I, uh... I was, um" Bucky stuttered a few things before Alex stopped him.

"Bucky! It's okay, what do you want to ask?"

Bucky was silent for a few seconds, before pushing out a jumble of words.

"Doyouwanttogetcoffeelatermaybe?"

"Huh?"

Bucky took a big sigh.

"Do you want to, maybe get coffee or something later? I mean you don't have to I guess but I would like it if you said yes but it's totally your choice if you don't want to I just thought-"

"Bucky!"

Bucky stopped talking, sort of waiting for an answer from Alex.

"Oh God, you're gonna say no, I knew it. Dammit, I shouldn't of asked, I-"

"Bucky! Yes I'll go with you, relax!" Alex chuckled, and Bucky let out a sigh of relief.

"Well I'm not sure when I'll be able to do it, you know, 'superheroey' stuff. But I'll call you! Yeah. I'll do that."

"Okay..." Alex couldn't help but keep a smile from spreading across her face. "Go! Come on. Don't you have 'superheroey' stuff to do?"

"Oh yeah, uh, see ya!"

And then Bucky ran off, and Alex couldn't help herself from smiling. 

Ok, Now I'm glad I said that. 

A/N:

ASDFASDFGHHJ THEY'RE SO CUTE I CAN'T-

Can someone tell me why I can't write a 1000 word story in a month for my school writing club but I can write a 1000 word chapter of this in an hour? I don't get it.

I've been listening to This is Gospel on repeat while writing this... *chefs kiss*

Anyway, 60 VIEWS!? WHAT! That's like actually crazy to me thank you guys sm. 

Update: 70!! OMG THANKS U GUYS

Yes, I did post 4 chapters in 2 days. I love this book ok. 

Once again, I finally created a cast list, so if you haven't seen it yet, go to the start of the book!

Ok thanks bye :)