Therapy-- Bucky Barnes

Chapter 3

It had been a month since Bucky had starting going back to therapy. And if he was being honest, nothing was improving. He had only opened up in the first session, but then he got more nightmares. Worse ones. 

He was no longer the Winter soldier, but he still got PTSD from specific moments during his imprisonment at Hydra. including his trigger words. 

Recently, he has been getting nightmares as simple as someone saying the words. Then he has episodes. And he has no one there to help him. He still lives alone, with no one else there when he has his episodes. 

Sam knew what he was going through. He would never open up about it, but it was obvious Bucky was hurting. Sam offered Bucky to come live with him. He wanted to help him, and he knew him living alone would be extremely bad for his mental health. But Bucky being Bucky, he declined. 

Sam knew he would say no, but he just wanted to look out for a friend. 

Bucky has also had his time occupied with Sharon. Eveeryone assumes there's something going on between her and Bucky judging by the amount of time he spends with her, but he isn't all about the 'romantic stuff', so he has been trying to help her clear her name. He knew Steve would've wanted him to do that. 

But unfortunately, Bucky was going back to therapy. He didn't hate it as much as his sessions with Dr Raynor, but he still doesn't like to talk about his problems. People either hated him, or felt sorry for him. There was no in-between. Bucky has accepted that. But here he was, walking towards the waiting room. 

He sat there for a few minutes. His foot repeatedly tapped the carpet. He heard the clock in the corner of the room ticking louder than ever. He heard the receptionist, Emily, typing away at her computer, the keys clicking. Sometimes he could hear people breathing from far away. He didn't know if that was normal, nor did he care. He had given up on being normal a while ago.

"James?"

Bucky looked up to see Dr Harris, or Alex, standing at the front of the room. He got out from his chair and smiled softly at Alex, following her into their normal room. 

Alex wasn't stupid. She knows Bucky hasn't been telling her what's on his mind. He hasn't told her what's bugging him. But this was only their 5th session, so she wasn't too worried about it yet.

"So James, how have you been?"

"Uh, good." He replied simply. He didn't really want to tell her about his nightmares right now.

"Did you get a good nights sleep?" 

Oh great..."Um, sorta.."

"What do you mean by 'sorta', James?"

"I just had a nightmare, but it wasn't anything bad, nothing out of the ordinary."That was a lie. It was bad.

"I'm assuming you don't want to talk about it," Bucky nodded slowly. 

If Alex was being honest, she did want Bucky to open up. She knew it would still take time, but she wasn't making as much progress over the last few sessions, and that was something she wanted to change.

"You know what, you need to at least try to tell me James. I can't help you if you don't help me. You need to open up because we aren't making any progress. I know It's hard for you, but you don't realize how much I can help you if you tell me what's wrong."

Bucky sort of just stared at Alex. He was obviously a little shocked. He didn't think Alex would snap at him like that. But he knew she was right (though his ego would never let him admit that). 

"Okay."

Alex sighed of relief. She didn't mean to snap at Bucky like that, it just came out. But she was glad it worked. Bucky started to try an explain his nightmare.